Cross My Heart
by Amanda Hastings
Summary: Caroline Allmen is the only girl at Dalton Academy. A gymnast and a dreamer, she is wildly inexperienced when it comes to romance, and this makes things interesting when she falls in love with some unexpected people.
1. Secrets

_This is spin-off of CP Coulter's Dalton. I also do not own Glee._

My name is Caroline and I am the only girl at Dalton Academy. A three generation Legacy, actually. Let's just say that my dad wanted a boy, and happens to have boatloads of bribe money at his disposal. That's okay, I didn't want to go to Seaton Liberal Arts, anyways.

But, I fit right in the guys, so I don't mind. And I get my own room owing to my gender – and life would be a whole lot boring anywhere else, to tell you the truth. Things could've ended up a lot worse, and Dalton _is_ known for being accepting of people.

For six months I had been keeping my secret, and tonight was Cody and I's six month anniversary. We were going to some place really nice, and that posed problems. One: my fashion sense was terrible, and I definitely needed major help. Two: nobody at Dalton knew I had a boyfriend. Well, can you blame me? They would've scared him off on the first date. Frankly I'm surprised nobody had found out for six whole months.

That first problem was easy: I could just ask one of my club gymnastics friends for some advice there. It was the making sure that nobody ever found out I had a boyfriend that concerned me. I had tirelessly kept up the charade for all this time, and I really didn't want to face up to having lied to everyone now.

I resolved to stuff my dress, heels and all other clothing accessories into a large bag and do my makeup and hair here in my room. Then, I would leave the building and change elsewhere. Like the bathroom in Dalton's front most building - the athletics building.

Fingers crossed nobody decided to stay late at practice.

* * *

I should've known that plan wouldn't have worked.

After taking hours on my own in my room – letting nobody in – I half-heartedly stuffed my clothes into my bag, for the first time realizing how little time I had. I pulled my hood up as high as a dared, fhoping the shadow would conceal my curled hair and fancy makeup.

But then the Tweedles were waiting for me outside.

"What you up to Qweenie?" Said Ethan. 'Qweenie' was their nickname for me – short for my other nickname: the White Queen. Okay, I was a bit of a pacifist sometimes, but any normal person would be in contrast with these two.

"Why have you been hiding in your room all day?" added Evan.

"What's in the bag?"

I looked down; I _really_ could not be having this right now.

"Uh nothing, guys, just going to a friend's house..." I said trying my best to not show my face. I hurried down the hall, and dashed down the stairs, hoping to avoid notice.

Wes spotted me, as he and David sat on the couch. "What's in the bag?" he said, echoing the twins. His voice was thick from a handful of chips he had been shoving into his mouth.

"Don't talk with your mouth open, Wes, that's disgusting." I didn't even break a stride as I answered.

"What's in the bag?" he repeated.

"Nothing, just some random stuff." I checked my phone, I was really, _really_ running out of time. I hesitated a fraction too long in answering. Ethan grabbed the end of my bag, spilling is contents all over the floor. I gasped and scrambled to pick them all up, my hood falling in the process.

"Qweenie's on a _date!"_ squealed Evan, pointing at the floor.

"I – no I'm not – this is just –" I stammered shoving the dress and heels back into my bag. I looked up, noting everyone's eyes fixed on me with a shocked expression. "Umm... Bye!" I stepped out the door, and upon closing it. I slid down the wall, swallowing panic. _That_ was what I called a disaster. I remembered my ticking time and hopped up, jogging to the athletic building.

Other than my secret being uncovered, my date went off without a hitch. My panic only returned to me when he drove up towards Dalton. I could see my doom looming in the distance.

"I don't see why you couldn't've just told them to begin with." Cody pointed out, smirking a little at my distress, "I really can't understand why it was so important to keep it from them."

"I just… I couldn't tell them. There never seemed like a good time with all that was going on… All I know is _now _I'm in for it." I looked up at him, "Any ideas?" He just smiled and kissed me, having pulled up to the gate.

"'Night Caroline."

"'Night" I said getting out of the car.

I walked to Windsor, not even bothering to stop and take off my dress or makeup. Why should I even try pretending? Nobody would believe me, anyways.

I stood in front of the door, my hand hovering over the doorknob. I took a deep breath and gathered my courage. I peeked in. A dozen stern faces looked as if they'd been expecting me.

"Hey guys." I said as nonchalantly as possible, heading for the stairs. I hoped to make a quick escape, and possibly avoid whatever they had planned.

"Caroline." I froze at the bottom of the stairs, and turned around slowly.

"…Yes?" I met Blaine's eyes, which barely concealed his amusement.

"How was your date?" Smirked David from his seat on the couch.

".. Good." The room exploded with cheers, and I was being hugged and besieged with questions by a sea of navy blazers.

"Is this your first date?" asked Evan.

"Did you kiss?" Said Ethan.

"Why couldn't we know about this?" Asked Reed, who was rubbing his shin – he'd run into the railing trying to get to me.

"You wore_ heels?"_ said Kurt, aghast. I was notoriously terrible in them.

"Guys, back off, let her breathe." Said Blaine, peeling off the layers of questioning boys.

"What?" I asked.

"Well?"

I sighed; I really just wanted to go to my room and fall asleep. Talking about this was the last thing I wanted to be doing right now…

I guess the twins saw my look, because they hooked their arms through mine and dragged me to the couch where I was surrounded by uniformed boys. "Now _talk." _

I sighed. "His name is Cody, we met over the summer – " And with that, everyone exploded again, and even Blaine couldn't reign them in. "Guys!" yelled, trying to cut through the din – I wanted to get this over with. "Hey, GUYS!"

They fell silent. "There. Now, I want to get this all out, and then I am going upstairs and going to bed. And _no one_ is going to stop me." I glared through the crowed. "Okay. Here are the details..."

I told them everything, how we met up until tonight. Then, I left my stunned audience and marched upstairs with as much dignity as I could manage. I could feel their eyes following me.

I only hear one thing as I turned the corner, though: "I can't believe she kept that from us for _six months…"_

I turned the on shower and walked into my room, taking off my earrings, wondering if it was even going to be worth the hell I'd get tomorrow. I sighed as my phone started to vibrate.

Texts: dozens of them. Only one I really wanted to see.

_Cody__**:**__**Miss you babe, see you tomorrow **_

I smiled. How could I even question that?

* * *

"Hello? Earth to Wes." David was waving his hand in front of my face. "You okay, man?"

"Wha - ? Oh yeah. I'm good..."

"You sure? 'Cause you been staring at that staircase for like an hour." It was about fifteen minutes after Caroline had retreated up the stairs, and the Common Room had begun to buzz with conversation again. He began to look between me and the staircase. I could see the thought forming in his eyes.

"No…" His eyes went round "No man... you are _not _crushing on her."

"What? No what are you talking about." I peered anxiously around the room, seeing Blaine whispering in Kurt's ear with a meaningful glance at me. _Shit… _

"You aren't going to put Teenage Dream on loop are you?" Said David, with a barely contained smirk.

"No! Dude I don't have a _crush_ on _Caroline..._"

"You just feel like grounding her boyfriend to mush?"

"Well don't you?"

"No." I looked at him. He raised his eyebrows at me.

"Man your crazy. She's like a sister to me." And with that I strode up the stairs and into the room David and I shared.

David fell back on the couch, shaking his head. No matter what Wes said, he had definitely fallen. And he had fallen _hard. _

* * *

I stepped out of the shower, letting the steam flow around me. Sighing deeply, I opened the door and nearly screamed.

"Wes! God don't scare me like that," I said, smiling and the tall boy sitting on my bed.

"Hey," He said with a small smile tugging at his lips. I felt a lurch in my stomach. _Whoa what was that… _

"Do you need something, Wes?" I said, taking a seat next to him.

"Uh yeah actually…" He glanced at me.

I was suddenly aware of only being in a towel. He seemed to realize this as well.

"Umm, I'll wait for you to get dressed outside, shall I?" I grinned as he retreated with a somewhat awkward expression. I checked my phone, I'd left Cody's message open... "_Miss you babe"…_

I sighed. What was_ wrong_ with me…?

* * *

I had just closed the door and turned around to see David, the Tweedles, and Blaine all waiting behind me.

"Why were you in Caroline's room, Wes?" said David.

"Why are you waiting outside Caroline's room?" I retorted, Biting down mild discomfort.

They were still standing in front of me, smirking.

"_What!"_

"I told you," Said David, turning to the others.

"It's bad," remarked Blaine, with a small knowing smile.

"What are you guys going on about?" Said Caroline: she was now in her pajamas, wringing wet, blonde hair into a towel. "What are we talking about?"

"Oh, nothing." I said, throwing them a meaningful look.

"No it's definitely something." Chimed the twins, grinning devilishly. Caroline's blue eyes gave me, and then then others, a slightly puzzled look. I shrugged.

"Anyways... you wanted to talk with me Wes?" She said, returning her attention to me.

"Yeah…" I followed her into her room, shutting the door before the others could follow.

* * *

I sat on the bed and patted the spot next to me. "What's up Wes?"

"About this boyfriend – " I groaned and fell back on the bed.

"I'd hoped to _avoid_ a lecture Wes." He grinned, looking away for a minute. _His eyes are goregous,_ I thought, _I'd never noticed..._

"I know, I know. I don't want to lecture you just…Hoped trust me enough to tell me. Why didn't you, anyways?" Now it was my turn to look away.

"I don't know I just... I didn't tell you guys over the summer, I kept saying '_I'll tell them when I get back to school.' _When we did… I don't know. Just never found the right time, I guess… what with all the drama, I didn't want to add to it."

"'_Never found the right time'?_" he said incrudiculous, pushing me gently. I sat up. "There is no _right time..._ just next time, tell us. Or at least tell me, you know I can keep your secret."

I snorted; Wes could be a huge blabber mouth sometimes.

"Yeah," I snorted, "Right."

"Hey! I'm not _that_ bad..." I fell into him unable to contain my laughter anymore, my head landing on his shoulder. He looked down at me with the strangest expression, and I felt everything go out of focus… _His eyes__…_

Suddenly the door slammed open, and the Tweedles, Blaine, David, Kurt and Reed were all looking inside, staring at us.

"What?" I said, standing up, and shaking off this weird feeling.

"Having fun, children?" said Evan with a sly grin.

"Yes, it seems quite cozy in here." Added his twin.

"Yes, very," I said, rolling my eyes. I grabbed the door, "If you guys don't mind, I'd like to go to sleep now. I have gymnastics at eight."

Wes grinned, and obligingly left the room, walking past the others. They returned they're gazes to me.

"'Night!" I said, slamming the door in their faces.

* * *

Fifteen minutes later, when Wes walked into his room, a crowd was waiting for him.

"Hello, Wes." Said David.

"Umm... Hi?" I said, uncertain of what they were doing here.

"So you are in love with Caroline, Wes," Said Kurt, in a crisp, businesslike tone.

"What? I'm not – "I said.

"Oh, shut up Wes," Said Reed, waving off my protest, "It's become pretty obvious."

"Wait, actually," Said Blaine, "Only after her whole relationship came out..." He raised an eyebrow.

"This is ridiculous." I said, walking into the bathroom.

"Ah, the first stage of love" David said reminiscently, "Denial." He flopped onto his bed, adding sarcastically "This is going to be _so much fun…_"

* * *

I dashed out of my door, gymnastics bag in hand, and ran down the steps. I skidded to a halt at the sight of a tall brown-haired boy standing in front of the door.

"Wes!" I said, "Aren't you up a little early…?" I said, checking the time. 7:30.

"Well I thought I could tag along and watch you practice." He said, with a small smile.

"Yeah. For two hours. On a Saturday morning. Definitely. Can you just tell me what's going on here and what you _really_ want to do here? Kinda running late." He just shrugged and offered me his elbow. I rolled my eyes and took it and we walked out the door.

I had barely started my bars routine when I figured out what Wes was up to. I looked over and nearly fell off the bar. I quickly dismounted and ran over to stop him from talking to my boyfriend.

"Wes!" I hissed, "He's the manager, stop it! Go sit down and text or something…"

"No, your boyfriend and I are going to have a little chat." He said shaking me off and tweaking my nose. I stood there, mortified, as I watched him approach.

Unfortunately everyone was staring.

"What?" I demanded, walking back to the bars. Fuming, I chalked up again.

I forced myself to concentrate through the routine, I would find out what had happened later. Coach would take my spot at Districts away if I didn't work on my routines!

I had barely stuck the landing when shouting reached us. Everyone's heads turned to me. I ran, flinching under the many gazes, while tearing my grips off. _God damn it Wes! _I thought furiously, running to the parking lot where they' dissapeared. _NEVER__ again are you coming near my boyfriend!_

"Guys!" I yelled, seeing them in the parking lot, 50 yards in front of me. "Guys! Seriously shut up your…" I trailed up and doubled my efforts into getting to them – _then_ I could yell at them.

By the time I got there, though, they were both flushed red and yelling in each other's faces.

"You learn some respect before you can date –" yelled Wes.

"Excuse me? I don't need your permission, _Wesley_, and neither does she!" Cody bellowed back, pushing him roughly. I forced my way in between the two.

"GUYS!" I screamed, "Shut UP! I am sick of this, already! You've known each other, what? Ten minutes, _maybe?_" I looked from one boy to another, swallowing my fury. Wes, who'd been pushed to the ground, got up, still shaking with rage. "You guys both mean a lot to me," I added, "But you can't _fight._ Please, guys?" I put one arm around each boy.

"You two are going to shake hands, 'kay?" I said, addressing them like I would children.

"'kay…" Said Cody, dejected at the poison in my voice. He raised his hand. Wes looked at it with revulsion for a second, gave me a look and grasped it for a second. Then both let go quickly.

"Good." I said. "Now I have to get back to practice. Wes, you go back to Windsor."

"But –"He said.

"Go. _Now."_ I interjected, "I'll get a ride." He sighed and walked off; I waited until he was out of earshot.

"Cody, you've got to watch out. He's pretty mellow most of the time, but his temper explodes if you push him to it. I've seen him do some crazy stuff when he gets that mad." I said, taking his hand, "What were you guys talking about anyways?"

"Nothing," he said, glaring at Wes's retreating back, "Nothing important. You get back to practice." He added, raising my hand and kissing my fingers gently, his blue eyes suddenly flirty. I giggled and blushed, taking my hand back.

"I'll see you later." I said, returning to the gym.

I had firmly resolved to never again speak to anyone inside it.

* * *

Wes sat in his car, not trusting himself to drive just yet. He was still furious with that sorry excuse for a man that was Caroline's boyfriend. That dumbass better learn some respect before he got what was coming to him.

He clenched his fists tightly. Caroline was already mad enough at him for yelling, he didn't want to think about what she'd do if he got out of his car and bashed that kid's head in. He took a deep breath and tried to swallow his anger. He put the car into gear started the long drive back to Dalton.

He walked into Windsor, and stalked angrily up to his room. He ignored all of the other boys downstairs who's looks that told him they knew _exactly_ where he had been.

What he didn't want to see was their smirks turn to shock at what he knew must be a livid expression on his face.

David gave the others a _shit-what-did-he-just-screw-up _look. They shrugged and followed him upstairs.

"Wes! What happened?"

"Had a little –_ chat – _with Caroline's _boyfriend._" I forced the words out through gritted teetch, the last word dripped with venom.

"Wes," Blaine said cautioningly.

"What did he say?" Dwight asked, flipping though a large ancient tome. "Do you think he's cursed? Were his eyes red? If so, he might be a demon - I need to know now if - "

Wes turned around, shot them a look, and kept walking. The twins exchanged looks and Blaine and David looked worried. They followed him into the room, and stood in a line as Wes threw himself onto the couch.

"What'd he say Wes?" David asked.

"He just… he doesn't deserve her." He avoided everyone's eyes and looked out the window, "they're all wrong for each other. She's sweet, down-to-earth, and independent," The twins snorted, he shot them a look. "And he's a douchebag." He spat.

David gave a sigh of relief, "Man you had me worried there for a second! I didn't know what he could've said to get you that angry," he punched Wes's shoulder, "Shoulda known!" he sat down.

"It's just… he's not serious. She deserves someone who will give it his all. Who'll treat her right. Someone _better_..." He sighed and put his face in his hands. He didn't know _what _it was about this guy: he just knew something was off. Something was missing – and Caroline deserved someone whole, and perfect.

_Someone like me?_ I asked myself, _I don't know if I could trust myself…_

"So, dude," Said Evan, calling him back to reality, "How mad did you make her?"

"Not… not too mad… I think." I replied, calling to mind the look on her face when she saw them fighting. The expression of mingled fury and sadness and – and _hurt. _He'd hurt her… He was just trying to protect her…

"Hey, Wes! WES!" He'd been staring out the window again. Ethan was waving his hand in front of his face.

"What?" he said bitterly. The other boys exchanged smirks, all thinking the same thought: When Caroline got home, he was _in for it._ She had a bit of a temper. Wes winced, sharing the thought.

He needed to make this right, but how? How could he explain that there just seemed something off about her precious boyfriend?

He'd never even asked her why she liked him… he sure as hell couldn't be asking now…

He sighed and rested his head on his hands again. He was in _deep._

* * *

"Thanks for the ride!" I yelled to Annie, one of my gymnast friends. I looked at the gates of Dalton with a sudden loathing, all my anger of this morning's fight returning to me.

_What the _hell_ had made Wes look so livid?_ I mulled the situation over, walking through the gates. I suddenly felt a little guilty. _I never even asked him what was wrong… I just ran up and started yelling…_

I approached Windsor. I felt bad, but Wes was still most definitely in trouble. He should know better than to pick fights in public! What was he, three? Once again, I was reluctant to open the door. I was sure by now Wes and given the others some idea that things had not gone well this morning…

I opened it to an empty common room. I looked around, disbelieving my eyes. _I don't think I've ever seen this place empty!_

Suddenly, Blaine strode out of the kitchen playing his guitar, and Wes slid down the banister and started to sing:

"_Where it began  
I can't begin to knowin'  
But then I know it's growing strong"_

I felt my mouth drop open. He was smiling, strolling up to me and singing:

"_Was in the spring  
And spring became the summer  
Who'd have believed you'd come along_

_Hands_,"

He took my hand and spun me around.

"_Touching hands  
Reaching out  
Touching me  
Touching you!"_

Then Kurt, Reed, the Twins and David jumped out from miscellaneous hiding spots and started to sing.

_"Sweet Caroline_  
_Good times never seemed so good_  
_I've been inclined_  
_To believe they never would_

_Oh no, no"_

I didn't even notice them, and Wes and I were now dancing in the middle of the common room, and he just kept singing and smiling… I couldn't help but smile back. I couldn't even _consider_ being mad. Damn I'm bipolar…

"_Sweet Caroline  
Good times never seemed so good  
Oh, no, no, no!"_

The common room had developed an audience while we'd been dancing. I barely registered the din of the applause over the sight of his smiling brown eyes, so very close to mine. I looked at his messed up hair…Like he'd been tearing at it…He'd really beat himself up for this…

I smiled. How could I be mad at that?

"So I take it you're not mad anymore?" he said. I felt his breath on my cheek. My mind went a little hazy.

"No, it was stupid, I shouldn't have yelled."

"You had every right I was way out of line – "

"It's okay." I cut him off, nodding, "_It's okay, seriously._ And, after you went to such an effort to apologize to me!" I broke away and waved around the common room, noticing our captive audience.

I realized the twins had been chanting "Kiss her! Kiss her!" for the past five minutes, and went a little red. _Boyfriend,_ I reminded myself before I could react, _you have a boyfriend._ I smiled and offered Wes my hand. I dragged him upstairs to my room, where we could talk this over in relative peace.

"Don't you all have somewhere else to be?" I yelled over my shoulder. My shout was met with applause, and I would bet that a dozen boys would be listening at my door.

All around Windsor bets were being taken, and black, green, white and gold decorations were put up – sometimes splitting rooms in half. The common room was evenly decorated, with the large flat screen TV the dividing line between the battle lines.

It was Superbowl Sunday: Packers versus Steelers.

Unable to deal with the amount of sheer football, I departed to the kitchen, as per my usual Superbowl tradition. I got out the ingredients for cupcakes. I had barley found the sugar when Wes came in the room.

"Why do I get the feeling your following me?" I asked, grinning at the tall dark-haired boy. He grinned back, and took a seat at the counter.

"No way, Cupcakes!" He said sarcastically.

"It's a tradition!" I said defensively, placing ingredients on the counter, "And I don't hear anyone else complaining!"

He rolled his eyes. "I was _kidding_ Caroline," he said, laughing.

I gave him a look, "Oh yeah?"

"Yeah."

"Oh... okay, cause, I mean, I just" I flicked flour into his face, "ah, needed to do that." I grinned in silent daring.

"Oh." He said, wiping the flour of his face, grabbing some sugar, "Then how about _this?_" he said flicking it at me. I flinched as it dusted my face. I blindly grabbed ingredients and took shelter behind the counter.

"Oh, it's on!" I yelled. I reached my hand into the flour bag, and prepared to strike.

* * *

"What is going _on _in there!" Said David, giving the kitchen an odd look. Fifteen minutes ago, Caroline and Wes had walked into the kitchen, which was now giving off odd thumping sounds.

"Lets hope not sex," Said Ethan nonchalantly, sipping a smoothie.

"'Cause things are crazy enough around here without a baby." Finished Evan, equally nonchalant, nodding at his twin. Blaine shook his head and Reed was giving the kitchen a horrified look.

"Well I'm sure that's not it…" I said, looking back to the door.

"Why are we discussing this?" asked Kurt, going over to the door, "Why don't we just –" His sentence was cut off as he got hit with a mysterious white powder. "– find out"

A dozen boys rushed to the door.

"Ho –" Said Ethan

" – ly –" Said Evan

_"Shit."_ Blaine Finished.

* * *

It had only been a fifteen minute food fight between two people, but the damage was unbelievable. Flour, sugar and cracked eggs littered nearly every surface. Empty cooking bags and bowls half spilled of their contents lay everywhere, as Wes and I stood in the middle of the room, laughing our heads off.

We just couldn't stop. Even when Blaine stepped into the room to survey the damage. We looked at him, looked back at each other and burst into laughter all over again, falling into a weird half-hug.

Blaine just rolled his eyes, and dismissed us to go get washed up. I dimly heard him giving orders to have the kitchen cleaned.

By the time we'd reached the top of the stairs, my laughter had been reduced to vicious giggling. Everyone's face had just been so _priceless!_ I turned to Wes, to look at just how much we had actually hit each other.

He was almost completely covered in white.

It sent me under again, "You look terrible!" I managed to get out." He must've started laughing again too, because his voice was equally breathy when he replied "You too!" Then we collapsed into a heap of laughter.

I barely heard Blaine say, exasperated, "Someone separate those two, _before_ I barf?"

"Well you were no better," Reed said fairly, "Actually you and Kurt were twice as barf-worthy."

There were shouts of assent throughout the room. I fought my way into a standing position, getting my laughter under control.

"I'm fine," I said, still smiling like an idiot. I grabbed Wes's arm and hauled him up, and dragged him to his room. He managed to walk, his grin mirroring mine.

"Wow we are in for it," He said, breaking away from me, "See you when we get hell from Blaine and Howard."

"See you." I said, feeling my smile falter for a second. I turned away, hearing his steps fade down the hall.

_What just happened!_ I thought, furious with myself, _Boyfriend. You _have_ a _boyfriend

_...so why am I crushing on Wes?_

It was that treacherous, brutally honest part in the back of my mind. I had to face it… I really, _really_ liked Wes. But I still like Cody, too. Or at least I think I do… I shook my head. These problems could be put aside for now…

I pushed through my door, the last effects of adrenaline fading from my veins. I sat on the couch, unaware of still being covered in cupcake ingredients. I fell face down and sighed.

"Ahem?" It was Kurt and Reed, standing side-by-side, arms folded and eyebrows raised.

"Yes?" I said, positively baffled by their presence in my room.

"You, my friend are experiencing what we like to call _Man Troubles._" Said Reed, sharing a look with Kurt, "Which we, of course, are no stranger too. Although you are."

"Oh?" I said, raising my eyebrows, "And _how _many guys have you dated, exactly?"

"Irrelevant." Said Reed, brushing the insult off. He nodded to Kurt.

"So, you are in love with Wes." Said Kurt, studying my face for a reaction, "You still love your boyfriend…?" I kept my face impassive.

"Good, you don't deny it," Said Reed, "that makes our job all the easier."

"And what job is that, to be exact?" I said.

"That is for me to know, and you to find out." Said Kurt.

"_Excuse_ me?" I said, sitting up. Kurt just rolled his eyes.

"Don't try that one on me, sweetie," he said, ignoring my livid expression and patting my hand, "I know _all _the tricks. I went to public school, remember?" I shook my head and walked towards the bathroom.

"I don't have time to deal with this." I said turning around, "If you didn't notice, I am covered in flour from head to toe, and a _huge_ biology test tomorrow. So don't let the door hit you on the way out."

They just smirked, but left as I had demanded. I watched until they were out of the door, then collapsed onto the couch again. _Oh, screw the Superbowl… _I thought, _overrated, anyways._

I headed out the front door, waving goodbye to the enthralled Windsor boarders. I laughed quietly, running to meet Cody at the Dalton Gate. My entourage hooted and whistled when he kissed me, and opened the car door. I shot them a look and dissapeared into the cars cool interior.

"You have some interesting friends here," Said Cody, taking the driver's seat.

"What can I say? They're sweet." He shot me a look, with something of a spark in his blue eyes I couldn't Identify. I felt a flicker of confusion.

"Yeah." He said, "Sweet. I saw that guy who was pushing me around. What's his name?"

"Wes? Yeah, I was pretty surprised. Like I said, he's usually pretty mellow. You'd like him; he is just a little protective, sometimes."

"Oh?"

"They all are, Cody," I said, shooting him a warning look.

"Yeah. Protective, right." I studied his face awhile longer, and leaned forward to turn up the radio.

_I've never seen this side of him before, and I'm not sure I like it…_ _he better not keep this up._

We arrived at his house, having no further disputes. We walked in and he silently took my hand, leading me to up the stairs. I saw a petite woman with cropped brown hair sitting at the island reading a thick novel.

"Uh, mom we're going to go upstairs and watch our movie now." He said tugging my hand that was still captive in his. We marched back upstairs as his mother remained buried in her novel, having barely nodded in response to her son.

"Interesting." I said. He shrugged grabbing the remote as we walked into his bedroom. "What are we watching?" I asked sitting on the bed.

"Up to you," he said, tossing me the remote. I scrolled through the guide, picking Valentine's Day out of the listings, "Good choice." He said, pulling me back onto the bed. I laughed and allowed myself to be tugged backwards until our heads rested on the headboard.

I found it hard to concentrate on the movie at all as Cody kept playing with my hair, kissing my neck and whispering in my ear. I gave him a look.

"What is up with you today?" I said half amused half exasperated.

"Nothing," he said, resting his head against mine, "you're just especially beautiful today." And with that he kissed me long, and hard. I allowed him to kiss me for a little while longer when I started to pull away. He caught his arm around me and locked me in close.

I let out a muffled protest: his mouth was still on mine. He was straddling my hips, and pulling at my clothes. I fought, but he had at least fifty pounds on me. It seemed like foever to struggle free.

"What is _wrong_ with you?" I all but screamed. He looked a little confused, "What just _happened!_"

"Caroline – I –" he stammered, taken aback by my reaction.

"I _protested_ and you climbed on top of me?"

"I – " I stormed out of his room, and a terrifying thought came to me. _How far would he have gone…?_

I walked out of his house as quickly and quietly as possible. I felt the tears rushing down my face before I even cleared the driveway.

I was laying curled up in my bed staring out the window. After leaving Cody's house, I took a bus to Westerfield and took a thirty minute walk to Dalton. I wanted to take time and try to calm myself down.

It didn't help.

I was still panicked and distressed when I arrived back at Windsor house. And my clothes were still a mess.

"I'm fine," I told the boys in the common room, with barely concealed emotion, adding a shaky smile. They didn't believe me either.

So, I was laying depressed in my bed, while the boys hung around my room shooting me confused looks.

Blaine and Kurt were having a whispered conversation on the couch, the Tweedles looked almost bored. Wes was sitting on the edge of the bed, eyes never leaving me. David hovered behind him, looking at the two of us.

"Why are you guys in here?" I asked for the millionth time.

"Because you showed up from your little date with messed up clothes and on the verge of tears, and won't tell us why." Wes intoned, hesitantly adding, "_Please_ Caroline. You can trust us. What happened?"

"_Nothing happened._ Will you guys please just leave me alone?" I couldn't meet his eyes. This just wasn't something I could confide in a roomful of boys…

"Can you guys give us a moment?" He said, eyes leaving me for the first time. There was a general mumble of assent as the other boys filed out of the room. I glared at him.

"I'm not telling you anything, because nothing happened." I informed him, "And you know they're just going to listen at the door."

"Yes, but this at least gives an illusion of privacy,"

"Which is the closest anyone is ever going to _get _in this place…"

"So what did Cody do to you?" I stiffened, and his eyes went wide, "Oh my god, he really did do something to you – "

"What? No he didn't – "

"Did he try and force you to do something? Are you okay? I – "

"I'm _fine._"

"But he did try to force you, didn't he? Don't you dare lie to me, Caroline."

"I – " I shut my mouth, I turned away. I couldn't help it was just _embarrassing._ His hand closed on mine.

"Are you okay?" he repeated, "Did he go far…?" I shook my head. I couldn't meet his eyes, though he was trying to catch mine.

"'m fine." I mumbled, "I just need time to… think…"

"Okay, " I could hear his disapproval of this idea. He got up, kissed my forehead and left the room.

* * *

I walked out of Caroline's room, right into the usual group of eavesdroppers. By the looks on their faces, they'd heard it all.

I motioned for them to follow me.

"You guys heard?"

"Yeah," Said Blaine, "Is she okay?"

"As okay as someone can be after that…"

I surveyed the people around me. Kurt had his lips pressed into a thin line, Dwight and Reed mirrored each other's horror struck look. The twins had a murderous look that promised revenge. I turned back to Blaine.

"What should we do?"

"I think that's up to you, Wes, and to her."

"Why is it up to me?"

They all gave me looks that said, _Do you really need to ask that question? _I rolled my eyes and gestured into the room. We quickly filed in and I shut the door.

"Well she will be after she breaks up with douchebag back there…"

"I don't think she's going to." I don't know where the words came from, but I somehow knew they were true.

"How could she _not?" _Kurt demanded, "I have half a mind to go over there dump _him_ into a dumpster…" Blaine put an arm around Kurt.

"I think we should give her some time, but really she can't stay with him." He said, turning his gaze to all of us.

"Whatever happened to 'her decision'?" I asked.

"Your saying you _want_ her to stay with him?"

"Well no – "

"Wes," David said, tiredly, "Just shut up. I thought we were here to plan go beating him up…"

"That sounds nice right about now," I growled.

"There's this curse I could use – " Dwight began.

"Unless its my fist colliding with his face, I'm not interested." I swatted Dwight away as he began to spout random curses and spells.

"But seriously, are we just going to let this go?" Said Ethan.

"Because we could dust off some of our plans," Offered Evan.

"Wow, I almost forgot you guys were here." Said Reed, cautiously taking a seat on the couch.

"That in itself is frightening." Said Kurt, sitting beside him.

* * *

As soon as I got myself under control, I set off on a quest. I needed to find Blaine, the only one in Windsor who's advice I could really trust. I was completely baffled on how to handle this whole situation. So I set off in search of him, deciding to check his room first.

I was zoned out and was passing Wes and David's room when I almost ran over the boy's currently vacating it.

"Hey what's going on here?" I asked, and eight boys were suddenly frozen in their tracks.

"Oh you know, just talking…" Said David cautiously. I rolled my eyes, as if I had no idea this was going to happen.

"Guys, I can handle myself. I'm not made of glass." I stared them all down.

"Its not that we don't think you can't handle yourself…" Said Evan.

"Its just that you can't punch someone in the face as well as we can…" added Ethan.

"Do I need to remind you who beat you _both_ in that airsoft war sophomore year?" I asked, turning my full attention to the Twins. They gave me their most devilish smiles.

"We're always up for a rematch," They said, reaching for the nerf guns they always carried on them.

I rolled my eyes. Wes grabbed my hand.

"Let's take a walk," he said, pulling meaway.

"Okay?" I said, a little thrown by this sudden change in events. "But seriously guys, don't do anything you'll regret!" I added over my shoulder. "Tweedles your on when I get back!" I shouted as an afterthought.

Outside warm spring air greeted us. Wes was pulling me towards the woods that were Dalton's westernmost border.

"Aren't we supposed to stay on Campus?" I asked, a little wary. He gave me a _really-we-do-way-worse-stop-freaking-out_ look. I shrugged in surrender, allowing him to pull me towards the looming trees.

"Do you even know where were going!" I asked after fifteen minutes of silently being pulled through the woods.

"No, I've never been out here," he said, smiling down at me, "It's against the rules."

I rolled my eyes and gave an exasperated sigh, "So were going to get lost?"

"Hopelessly."

"Fantastic." We continued walking, side by side. For a few more moments there was silence, then:

"So how are you doing?" Wes said, trying to make the question sound nonchalant.

"What?" I said, having zoned out, "It's not that big a deal Wes…"

"Look," he said, rounding on me, "I care about what happens to you, Caroline, and I don't want you to get hurt. This Cody guy, I don't know him too well and I just want to be sure that its not going to happen again or anything else…." I pushed past him.

"Wes, your insistence on protecting me is getting old. I appreciate it but…" I said, taking his hand, "but please, contrary to popular belief, I _can_ handle myself." He smiled with a trace of bitterness, not quite meeting my eyes.

"Yeah, I'm sure," he said, squeezing my hand, tone turning light. "How about that whole Winter Formal fiasco, freshmen year?" I cringed.

"Okay now _that_ was totally not my fault you know…" I said, returning his smile. We continued on, rounding a bend of the creek we'd been following. It widened out into one of the most beautiful forest clearings I could ever imagine.

The small, gurgling creek fell suddenly into a small, albeit breathtaking waterfall. The pool at the bottom of the waterfall was flushed with tiny fish and small stones, surrounded by small bushels of wildflowers. I let out a small "Oh!" hopping of the small cliff created by the waterfall, landing in a soft patch of grass.

"What is this place?" said Wes, sounding mystified. He was walking around the outside of the clearing running his hand along the trees.

"Nowhere…" I said, half unaware of saying anything.

"It's like it's not even a part of the natural world." He said, resting his hand on a particularly large tree, whose roots had grown over a bend in the water

"I know what you mean." I said, turning to meet his gaze. I opened my mouth to say something else.

But then his lips were on mine, and I stood in shock for a split second before letting him pull me close. My arms went behind his neck, and I felt the race of electricity where our bodies met.

My mind couldn't keep up with this shocking turn of events. It was like no other kiss I had ever had with Cody –

_Right. Cody. My boyfriend._ I froze, and Wes broke away.

"I – I'm sorry Caroline I shouldn't have done that –" He was turning away, "I don't know I just, sort of…" he trailed off, seemingly unable to come to terms with what had just happened. Well that made two of us.

"No…" I said, looking up at him, "No." I said more forcefully, walking towards him, and turning him to face me, "It wasn't wrong…"

"You have a boyfriend Caroline." He reminded me, blinking furiously. _Is he going to cry…? Over _me_?_ I couldn't believe this. He'd always been like a brother to me, my mind still couldn't wrap its mind around that astonishing kiss.

"Hey," I said, reaching up to brush the first tear away, "What are you crying for?"

"I don't know," he said, chuckling, "You, maybe?"

"Me? I don't think you need to be worrying about me, Wesley Hughes." I said, smiling at him. I don't know what made me do it, but I reached up and kissed him softly, "I'm just fine."

"Caroline –" he said, starting to push me away, "this is wrong, you have a boyfriend."

"Hey, you kissed _me,_ remember?"

"I know, call it .., a momentary lapse in judgment…"

"Oh so I'm a bad decision now?"

"No – not that – it's just," I turned away, "I don't want to be _that guy_, you know? I don't want to make you cheat. It's not worth it. I'm not worth it."

"Yes you are," I said turning back, "I promise. "

"Then you'd break up with Cody?" he said, raising an eyebrow.

"I don't know if I can do that… I don't want to know what he'd do…" I said. Remembering the last conversation I'd had with my beloved boyfriend. I knew I should break up with him, but I honestly didn't know how he'd react. A thousand scary possibilities raced through my mind.

"See? I don't think we can be together. Think about what he'd do if he found out, thats ten times worse than breaking up."

"So you kiss me, and make me realize the only one I want to be with is you, and then just leave me hanging? That's _it_?" I could feel my temper rising, and didn't bother to stop it. I was always terrible at self control, anyways. "My friends were right Wes, your just a player."

Hot bitterness raced up my throat and I could feel the tears coming on. My back was to him now. I could tell my words had stung him. _Good._ I thought savagely,_ Let him see what it feels like, leading me on like that…_

_No... I was the one leading people on.. Or am I? This is such a mess…_

But somewhere in the back of my mind, I could suppress one tiny glimmer of guilt. _I_ was the one who said breaking up with Cody wasn't an option. I really just couldn't handle that right now. I tore out of the clearing, not really caring if I was headed in the right direction.

I just needed to get _away._

* * *

"_Your just a player."_ Those words cut me each time I thought about them, but I couldn't make myself think of anything else. I had led her on. I'd _kissed_ her. What on _earth_ could have possibly possessed me to think that would be okay!

I stumbled through the woods, in the opposite direction of Caroline. I really didn't care to go back to Windsor and have to see all those smirks, and explain what had occurred in that tiny forest clearing.

_Nowhere._ I thought, _she called it nowhere._ The only place we could possibly be happy, away from everything. _Nowhere._

I realized what dropping Cody for me would mean to her reputation. I knew she was probably already slandered for going to Dalton instead of Dobry, did I really want to set off what could only have been ticking bomb?

I punched a tree in frustration. _Oh god, what have I done…?_


	2. Spring Break

_I Do Not own Dalton(by CP Coulter). Nor do I own Glee._

I leaned over the sink, brushing my teeth. Yesterday was a nightmare, and I was looking forward to losing myself in a nice, monotonous school day. I grabbed my jacket and schoolbag and pushed through the door.

The Windsor House was alight with morning sun, as boys in the kitchen gulped coffee down before blearily heading out the door for morning class. It seemed only a few people bothered to get up and get ready; a majority just got up, threw clothes on and left.

I shook my head and walked into the kitchen, headed straight for the fridge. I grabbed an orange juice and wheeled around, sensing eyes on me. It was Wes, staring at me unabashedly. I shot him a small, questioning smile, and continued out of the kitchen.

_Does that mean he changed his mind?_

The idea plagued me all day long, I was lucky I didn't shout "Wes!" Whenever a teacher called on me, as I was sure I was going to if I didn't concentrate. I thought about it all morning… if Wes had changed his mind… Well what would that even mean?

We could be together… for one. But how? I honestly can now say I don't know all sides of my boyfriend, and am honestly scared one of those hidden sides is a psychopath. It never really occurred to me before to break up with him, but thinking he might go crazy and do something stupid I'm sure would not be one thing I thought of.

I hadn't really liked Cody, I concluded, I just wanted a boyfriend. Something that I could choose for myself, a symbol that I could have some small portion on control over my life. He was just there. This was all my fault, and now it was too late to fix that. Besides seeing them both, which can really only end badly.

At lunch, I sat with everyone, on the outside of the table, not really eating or paying attention. I had too much on my mind. Everyone was shoveling the delicious cafeteria food into their mouths and being loud and rowdy, your standard Dalton lunch hour. I just stared out the window, my eyes straining towards the woods, like if I looked hard enough I might see that small clearing.

"Hey, Caroline." I snapped out of my reverie. It was Reed and Kurt, beckoning from down the table. They were both leaning backwards, somewhat awkwardly, to avoid the notice of the boys at our table. Kurt shot a pointed look at the door. I nodded.

But there was no _way_ they were getting me to tell them what happened in the woods.

I mumbled something about forgetting a textbook, and left the table. I didn't pay attention to the boys I was leaving behind, or maybe I would've noticed David pulling Wes down from following me, shaking his head.

I was barely feet away from the table when I heard Kurt and Reed excusing themselves from the table as well. They had the courtesy to let me get through the door before surrounding me, with excited smiles.

"So what happened on your little walk in the woods?" Said Reed, eagerly.

"Nothing, really. We walked around a bit…" I said, "But I wasn't kidding, I really forgot that textbook, and you know how Murdoch gets about Windsor's being unprepared…" I started walking they followed.

"No, no, no. Something _definitely_ happened." Said Kurt, as he and Reed fought to keep up with my fast pace.

"And what makes you say that?" I asked, speeding up even more. I wasn't sure where Han had bugged, and If he had for some odd reason caught that and shown the boys… I think I might throw up from embarrassment.

"Well you and Wes came back at different times, looking reasonably confused and upset, for one." Intoned Reed, in a clearly practiced manner. Great, a planned lecture. My favorite.

"And, he couldn't take his eyes off you all morning." Added Kurt. That made me stop.

"_What?"_ I said, unable to help myself.

"Oh don't pretend you didn't notice. Then in math, when Newman called on him, he said 'Caroline', I don't think anyone in that class has ever laughed so hard. I do feel a bit bad about that though…" He said, and kept on walking.

"_Kurt!_" I said, my throat had gone dry, "That's awful!"

"Yes, yes." Said Reed, obviously growing impatient, "Just tell us what happened."

I shook my head, "Nothing," I said, and added "Nothing that will ever change" softly to myself. I cast them a look, and ran into the house, tears suddenly welling up. The tears stung and started falling as I shut myself into my room. I sank to my knees, head in my hands.

Below, in front of Windsor, Kurt and Reed exchanged worried looks.

"Did you hear what she said?" Asked Reed.

"'Nothing that will ever change,'" Kurt said, looking at a two story window Caroline was currently crying behind.

* * *

"Wes," Said Blaine, "You need to tell us what happened. It's the only way we can help you make it better."  
"Yeah, man." Said David, "It's harder alone."

"What are we talking about?" I asked distantly, not quite processing what they were saying. I could only see her face… feel her lips on mine…

_Stop that._ I ordered myself. _That should have never happened._

I gazed blearily at the boys around me. They were exchanging knowing looks.

"Tweedles," I said, suddenly realizing, "You haven't been pranking. What's up with that?" Everyone shot me a look, unaware of my newfound responsiveness. The Twins looked at each other.

"Not a good time?" said Evan, shrugging.

"Yes and a Blaine took our nerf guns, so the usual standard is out –" Added Ethan.

" – but we _have_ been considering some alternatives, if it worries you." I nodded, now everyone's attention was on what kind of horrible new stunt the Tweedles were considering. I let my attention wander again: building on a small fantasy in the back of my mind where I could be with Caroline…

That I hadn't said those things in the clearing…

That she didn't have a boyfriend, or at least one she could break up with…

Then what?

Visions blurred through my mind: Walking down the halls, hand in hand, stealing a kiss in deserted doorways, study dates, flirting so heavily everyone gets uncomfortable. I was unaware that I was now leaning on my elbow smiling out the window like an idiot.

"What do you think he's thinking about," Dwight said, slowly pulling out his squirt bottle of holy water, his voice revolted.

"Oh, put that away Dwight," Said David, looking a little uncomfortably at his friend, "I think we should leave him to whatever it is…"

Everyone cautiously got up and went to go throw their food away.

I was only to be pulled away from my fantasy by the bell to end lunch. Murdoch would love any reason to put me in detention.

Oh, right. English. With Caroline.

* * *

I walked into Murdoch's room, clutching my literature book for dear life. I tried my best to look nonchalant and normal, but I felt like I was falling apart at the seams.

I still felt like curling up in a ball, and crying my eyes out. But Murdoch was outlining coverage for the exams before spring break, and I had to be present if I wanted to pass. Crying my eyes out would have to wait.

I took a seat as far back in the room and as close to the window as I could possibly be. I stared out the window, determined to meet nobody's eyes. I was sure everyone was staring at my red swollen face, ridden with obvious signs of crying.

Though I knew who sat next to me without having to look. The smell of axe and coffee enveloped me, and I stopped staring out the window towards the woods. I looked through my lashes at Wes, who was sitting next to me, looking concerned.

I felt my confusion and hurt return to me in full blast. I turned to the window as a single tear leaked out, and prayed nobody saw.

I could barely hear the sound of the bell or Murdoch's pre-class talk. I allowed myself this time to get it together, I needed this exam info, and then I could cut the rest of class. I heard the sounds of people getting paper out, and scrambled for my bag.

Silently a piece landed on my desk. Wes wasn't looking at me, but silently pulling himself out a piece. Just this small gesture of friendship was almost enough to send me over again. I pulled out a pencil and willed myself to pay attention.

* * *

_**WRabbit:**__ What's up with C&W?_

David sighed, and cast his two friends another dubious look. Caroline was on the verge of crying, and had obviously been doing so before she came here.

_C's been crying, doesn't look good. _I sent the message

_**Alice:**__ Did you guys find out what happened in the woods? C's not telling._

_**Dormouse:**__Yeah, she said something about 'nothing will change' though._

David let out a small inaudible groan. If anyone was ever going to get some sanity from those two at all this year, they would have to get together at some point. 'Nothing will change?'

_You sure those were her exact words? What does that even _mean_?_ I asked.

_**WKnight: **__Dude, who knows. This is a _girl_ we're talking about. Don't try to get inside her mind – that is one twisted labyrinth you will _not_ be getting out of._

_**Alice: **__Shut up, Dwight. She said 'Nothing that will ever change' something happened and neither are going to tell anytime soon._

_**Dormouse: **__So what are we going to do?_

I closed my phone. What, indeed? They won't even tell us what happen, for god's sake. I was starting to see what Wes meant about telling your friends things: he obviously couldn't handle this alone.

_I really hope I don't have to sing to him to get him to wake up,_ I thought, returning to my note-taking in full, _I don't think I could ever live that down…_

_

* * *

_

Murdoch's exam talk seemed to stretch on forever, and I could feel Caroline was barely holding back the tears. Looks like she was the one crying for me now. I couldn't have loathed myself more.

Doesn't she know that there is nobody I'd rather be with than her? But we can't be… She has a boyfriend already and what would everyone think of her if it got out? Her reputation was flawless, or at least with anyone who was worth anything, and I wasn't about to have that ruined because I couldn't help myself.

No, it was better this way. She'd get over me, eventually. She'd move away, get married, and have kids…

I was suddenly launched into another series of daydreams: Caroline, in a white wedding dress, walking down the aisle…

I shook myself out of it. I needed to concentrate on getting this information.

I cast her a cautious look, as if she could have somehow seen what I was thinking of. She was looking at me through her lashes, and a single tear had leaked out of those sky blue eyes. She hadn't noticed. Before I could stop myself, I wiped that tear away.

* * *

A cautious hand carefully wiped my tear away, and I carefully raised my head to look Wes fully in the eye. I could see pain behind his eyes. I looked away before I let another tear fall. My eyes wandered back to the woods, and my hand closed over his under the table. He squeezed my hand in return, his gaze following mine.

The rest of class was no more disaster than the first half. I continued to hold Wes's hand very obviously under the table, and Murdoch glared at us in a way that promised Ramsey would be hearing about this. Great, that's just fantastic, thanks Murdoch.

I continued to hold it together, much to my own surprise. The concerned glances being thrown my way were absolutely no help. Especially Kurt's: something about Kurt just always made me want to stop right there and gush out all my problems. Definitely not what needs to be happening right now.

The bell rang and I was the first one out the door, leaving my half taken, tear stained notes on the desk behind me. I honestly could care less. They wouldn't be much help anyways, the awful state they're in. I'll get someone else's later…

I was currently curled up in a ball under a massive blanket surrounded by pillows. I had my iPod playing random music I wasn't really paying attention too, my special heart-shaped comfort pillow and at least a dozen worried boys listening at my door.

"Fuck off guys!" I occasionally shouted at the door when one of them worked up the nerve to actually come in and ask what was wrong. Honestly, you never ask a girl who is crying like this that. You just cheer her up with any means possible, which right now? Would be absolutely nothing. Then it's just better to leave her alone.

But these are the Windsor boys we're talking about, who disregard any rule that don't suit them at the moment.

So I just cried the afternoon away, which was really not good aside from the obvious reasons. 1. I was being a total attention whore, and I hated when I got this way but I honestly can't help it. And 2. I was ruining my _one-of-the-guys _image I'd been working on all these years.

You think it'd be nice to go to an all-boys school and have everyone opening doors for you and stuff, but really it just got annoying. These are the people I was supposed to _live_ with for four years. Now that I was hysterically crying like their worst idea of a girl, I might just be back to square one. Which is going to absolutely suck.

Back to my crying episode.

I really couldn't actually tell you why I was crying so much. To be honest, I hadn't cried in ages. Like all those years of pent up tears were now rushing out in one go. Well this was just a lose, lose. I turned my head more comfortably into my pillow and didn't even bother to ask why anymore.

* * *

I was sitting in the couch after having paced the common room for about an hour. I couldn't sit still, but I didn't feel like pacing anymore. I picked up a pillow and started to wring it. Yes, I said wring it.

The twins, who seemed to think that a time when the girl I loved was in tears was a good time as any, were currently pegging everyone in the vicinity with some type of jelly-filled grenade. _Why_ did I remind them of their pranking break?

I took a deep breath, and tried to keep from jumping down the twin's throats.

"Dude calm down," said David over his binder. I cast him a murderous look.

"Seriously, just calm down, and let her calm down. Then you guys can talk." Said Kurt from the corner. Now it was his turn for a glare, "I know what I'm talking about, Wes."

I resumed pacing.

"I can't stand this!" I snapped. I hadn't said anything else all day, and I probably would have exploded over everyone if I did.

I blasted through the door, and started walking towards the woods. I don't know what compelled me – just that I wanted to get back to those few wonderful seconds before I opened my mouth and shit-load of stupid came out.

Those few seconds. Then I knew where I was headed.

* * *

Looking out the window, I saw a figure clad in a blue blazer with brown hair. Not specific, as that described over half the boys at Dalton, but somehow I was sure it was Wes. I saw him walking away from Windsor, and something just told me that he was – not agitated, exactly, more… Distraught, maybe? Depressed? No, that wasn't it…

Anyways, I saw him headed to the woods, and never had I ever wanted to follow someone somewhere so badly.

Thought it is probably a horrible idea… as if I could even make it to the door without being stopped…

I'll do it anyways.

I walked into the bathroom and hastily wiped my eyes, trying to make my face look somewhat normal. After my efforts I still looked red and puffy. Oh, fuck this. I'm obviously a messed up person, and people here obviously know that, so why do I bother? I'm going after Wes, and I'm not ashamed to have cried over this.

No, not at all.

My courage lasted me 'till about the door. Then I crumbled again. I looked out the window, and the navy-brown figure had disappeared from view. Well, shit. _Go anyways,_ my heart told me. _Just do it anyways._

But my brain told me that was stupid, it wouldn't work, and hadn't we already agreed on this? But I really felt I just needed to _talk_ to him. Just talk, not necessarily a huge confession of love or a make-out session or something, but just the affirmation I hadn't completely lost one of my closest friends in all this drama.

This pathetic, petty, teenage drama. I just know when this is all over I will look back and see a million ways out that I just can't seem to find now. I'll laugh at myself, having probably lost everything because I was so stupid.

If I'm honest, I only chose Cody because I wanted my first kiss. I was a junior in high school, and had yet to have my first kiss. And you had to admit, he was hot. But he was a player with a temper, and I knew and accepted that going into this. I hadn't expected it to last long.

He was just the scruffy-haired, blue-eyed, manager. Hot? Yes. Crush? Maybe. But in love? Definitely not.

I pushed through my doors cautiously slipping out into the hallway. The small squeak of the door hinges went unnoticed by the boys in the common room below. I padded up the hall in silence. _There has got to be _some_ other way out of here…_

My eyes caught on the window. _No..._ It was that goody-two-shoes part of my mind. _I am NOT climbing out a window!_ I cast another look down the staircase and quickly passed it. I'm reasonably sure that Kurt caught a glimpse of me, and maybe even knew what I was up to, but I knew he wouldn't give me away.

Now about that window.

The bad-assed Windsor part of me thought nothing of it, learning standing tucks on beam was probably way scarier. It was just – a second story window. How_ stupid_ was that going to sound?

But it was the only way, and I knew that… So, I accepted it, and unhinged the window. A blast of cool march air greeted me as I cautiously clamored over the sill. There was ivy perfectly arranged for my decent, and I cast one more look inside.

I rolled my eyes to myself and thought, _oh Tweedles._

I began the climb downwards.

* * *

I furiously tracked my way through the woods again, rehashing the path taken not too long ago…

This was all so _stupid._ I couldn't help but think. I know there must be some solution _somewhere._ It wasn't that much of a problem… unless there was something she's not telling me?

_It wouldn't be the first time,_ said the nasty, brutally honest part of my mind, _she's kept stuff from you before. Like the other guy._

Other guy? None of this was even started until I found out, it wasn't like she went behind my back, or anything…

My mind flashed over the past four years, I saw the little details go by in my mind. Could it be possible, that this had been there all along? Had the other's seen this coming? Were we just the last ones to know?

_Wouldn't be the first time._

I heard a tree branch snap behind me, and I stumbled and fell backwards into the clearing._ Huh, I thought I was going in the right direction…_

I focused on the blonde ponytail coming nearer to me. Again, she helped me up. I pretended not to notice red puffy eyes and tear tracks down that beautiful face.

"Come on," she said, pulling me over to a fallen tree, "We're talking about this. Now."

"Wha – "

"I'm not letting this – whatever it is – ruin our friendship." She said, with a dull _I-have-this-speech-all-planned-out _way.

"Caroline – "

"No. I'm going to say my piece first, and then you may talk." And she was addressing me like a toddler because …?

"Alright."

"Okay." She said, taking a deep breath, "I am going to be honest with you, Wes. I swear. But… but I'm not breaking up with my boyfriend. I honestly don't know how he'll react, and I think I can now confess I don't know all sides of him. I didn't take the time to get to know him, really. And that was a mistake, and I regret it. He'll just have to break up with me, and he'll lose interest, soon enough …" She trailed off, smoothing her uniform skirt uncomfortably. I watched her with concerned eyes.

"Caroline," I said taking her hand, so she was forced to look me in the eyes, "You just let me know," I said softly. She nodded. I noticed how each of us had skirted the things we had really needed so desperately to say – to just get out there in the open. But she knew what would happen, and seemed to have planned against it.

Damn it.

I sighed and stood up, pulling her up beside me – her hand was still in mine. I dropped it quickly, and we began the trek back to Windsor.

* * *

The rest of the exam week passed in a blur of coffee and studying, in which even the twins were too busy to bother anybody, to my intense relief. After Wes and I showed up in a reasonably calmed down state – and _again_ from the woods – I was almost positive there'd be a frenzy.

But, this was exam week at Dalton Academy after all. When it came down to it, we all still had parents to please, and Ivy League Colleges to get into. Those exams don't take themselves.

But finally, Spring Break was upon us, a whole unhindered week of relaxation.

You know, if you go to a normal school.

Unfortunately, the Warblers were being required to stay at Dalton for spring break. That meant that pretty much all of Windsor would be staying with me, as I abhorred the idea of spending any more time than I absolutely had to at home, so I stayed for breaks when possible.

But after the drama I'd been having, I was looking forward to a nearly empty Windsor. The boys usually took a spring break vacation, which I usually declined attending, and had some downtime. I really felt the need for some thinking space and quiet (none of which were going to be found in a building with the Tweedles).

So I bought a townhouse, courtesy of my large trust–fund.

I was now informing a crowd of boys as they sat around my room where I would be spending my Spring Break – as I was packing.

"I'm sorry guys," I said, pulling clothes from out of my closet, "I just need to get away for a while. Think a little bit."

"We just had exams, and you want to _think?_" Asked Reed, looking up from his fashion magazine. I gave him a look. They should know what I mean by now – I've lived with them all for three years now!

"But we were going to – "began the Tweedles.

"Yes, I know, you were going to pull some amazing prank on the Stuarts, or something. You can tell me all about it when I get back. Seriously guys, is there a particular reason _why_ you insist on making me feel like your mother?"

"No, that's Chaz's job."

"Silly, Caroline."

"The Twins are just upset they can no longer steal your laptop and laugh at your old home videos." David informed me coolly from the couch. I wheeled around.

"They did _what!_" I said, aghast. The twins through pillows at David simultaneously.

"Why would they have to steal her laptop? Couldn't Han get the –" I glared at Dwight, who immediately shut up and half raised his hands in surrender.

"Look, here's my new address," I gave Wes a small slip of paper, avoiding his eyes, "I'm only about twenty minutes away, just give me a call if you really need me that badly."

I'd been home alone for only two hours, when Kurt was knocking at my door.

"You can't be alone for spring break!" He said happily leading a pack of girls through my front door, "I brought you some friends."

I stood a little shocked in the doorway; I had just come inside from tanning and was in shorts and a bikini.

"I also have a life outside of Dalton you know that?" I said, closing the door, with a small smile.

"Yes, yes," he said, waving away the statement, "But I told them about you, and they wanted to know more. So I brought them here." I grinned.

"Don't mope over your man-troubles all alone on break, Caroline! What would your mother say!" I winced, but Kurt didn't know my mother had died. None of the boys at Dalton did.

Unless they did background checks, which, now that I think on it – a couple of them might. Okay I think I'll stop thinking about that now..

I nodded, and introduced myself to the crowd.

"Hi, I'm Caroline."

"You're a junior?" Asked a pretty blonde standing beside Kurt.

"Yes," I said, a little unsure of where this was going.

"But you're so _small._ Have you ever considered cheerleading? You would be an excellent flyer…" She stood, analyzing me, and I shifted uneasily.

"Yeah, I did a season or two at Cheer Supremacy –" Three girls let out a gasp.

"_Cheer Supremacy? _" Said a tanned brunette with brown eyes, gaping at me.

"Yeah I quit – "

"And you _quit?_" Said the blonde again, eyebrows raising.

I shrugged, "Cheerleading didn't suit me, I just stick to gymnastics."

They seemed to accept this. One by one everyone introduced themselves. The blonde was Quinn, and the other two who gasped were Santana and Brittany, and the others were Rachel, Mercedes, and Tina. They all seemed a bit fascinated by my small townhouse.

"You live here alone?" They asked looking around more carefully.

"No, I have a maid that's supposed to stay with me. I'm not supposed to live alone until I'm 18. She said she would only check up on me every night though…" I led them into the back, consciously aware that my interior designer had made the place look like a five star hotel.

The next few hours consisted of lemonade by the pool, talking, laughing, and just general having fun. I'd forgotten what it felt like to spend a day with girls (and Kurt) and relaxing and just having fun. Eventually, everyone but me and Quinn left, due to dinner plans (Or Warbler practice, in Kurt's case), until me and Quinn were the only ones left.

We'd been talking about the differences between gymnastics and cheerleading, when my phone rang for what must've been the hundredth time that day.

_**Wes: **__Hey, you doing okay? (:_

I sighed. Quinn read over my shoulder.

"Him again?" She asked sympathetically. I looked up; I hadn't mentioned Wes to her, at all. I honestly didn't know she knew he existed, or what had happened in the past couple of weeks. "Kurt said he'd told us about you, remember?"

"Oh," I said, "yeah…" I closed the message and put my phone on the table.

"You know, ignoring him won't help." She said. I gave her a questioning look. "Even a small conversation would at least get him to stop texting you, constantly. Just about something harmless, just ask what he's doing."

"I don't know, things have been…" I couldn't find the words to express what had exactly happened. I didn't know if we were okay for sure yet. "Rough."

"Yeah, sounds like it."

"You don't even know the half of it."

"Oh? Like what?"

"Like what _actually _happened in the woods. I know what the guys think happened and… well..." I smiled a little, "not accurate."

"Yeah, it seemed a little bit off, judging by the way things fell out. They said he didn't even tell David."

"Does Kurt tell you guys everything?"

"Of course, all the girls love hearing about Dalton. It's better than TV."

"Yeah, for you I'm sure it's great," I laughed.

"But seriously, don't just ignore him. It'll make things more awkward when you get back." My stomach twisted. Wes, and all of the guys really, had been pretty close friends of mine since freshman year. We'd all been through so much, and I didn't want to lose that with any of them. And in a group where everyone was this close? To lose one would be to lose them all. I don't think I could handle that. I took a deep breath and opened my phone.

_**Caroline: **__Hey, sorry I've been busy all day. What's up at Windsor?_

I quickly closed my phone and pushed it away from me like it was a bomb.

"Was that so hard?"

"Oh my god, yes." She laughed and got up.

"Hey, I gotta go. You gonna be okay?"

"What? You think I'm going to shoot myself over one silly little fight?" Quinn laughed a little more, and left. I sighed.

_**Wes:**__ Twins got Cabin Fever already. Hell broke loose: Charlie's after them._

_**Caroline:**__ Why don't you guys go somewhere? You don't _have _to stay on campus._

_**Wes:**__ I think we're going to go to a Dobry Party later. The Terpsichore's gotta stay for spring break too._

_**Caroline: **__What are you guys going to do, sing around a campfire all night?_

_**Wes:**__Maybe(: Wana come?_

_**Caroline: **__No, I got some stuff to do, don't let the Twins demolish their dorm with Nerf bullets._

_**Wes: **__Hey what else is Blaine for?_

_**Wes: **__assuming he isn't making out with Kurt the whole time, I mean._

_**Caroline: **__Now it officially falls to you, congrats._

_**Wes: **__Says who?_

_**Caroline: **__me :)_

We continued to talk about innocent things for the rest of the night, and I was feeling pretty good by the time we stopped talking for evening Warbler practice. Like nothing had ever happened: it was just Caroline and Wes again. No boyfriend, no forest-clearing incidents, just talking. Just friends. And it felt just right.

It took about ten seconds for me to remember anything, and I felt more confused than ever.

I decided to take a shower, and find some dinner. Wes had promised to text me as soon as practice was over, and I had ashamedly sat staring at my phone while I waited for him to respond, getting up to do nothing else. I was starving. Shower first, though.

I was rifling through the contents of the medicine cabinet in the kitchen, looking for a band aid for a shaving cut. I moved a box of vitamins aside and froze.

My interior designer, Kelly, had originally put decorative bottles of liquor and vodka oh the mantle and coffee table. I had a strong disliking for alcohol; it took my mother away from me. But, I decided not to make a fuss, so I shoved into the back of a seldom used cabinet. This one.

I stared down the bottle of Vodka at the back of the dusty cupboard. I had never had a sip of anything remotely intoxicating, not even a sip of champagne on New Year's Eve. But they said it made you forget.

I wanted so desperately to forget right now. To escape into some twilight haze of happiness where none of this ever happened, and I could find some peace from this mess I'd created. That my feelings had created. I wanted to just numb myself to it all, if only for one night.

I hesitantly reached for it, my cut forgotten. I hesitantly unscrewed the bottle and took a small sip.

* * *

I leaned up against the banister of Prima dormitory, staring at my phone. I had texted Caroline at least fourteen times, and was contemplating sending another when a brown haired girl interrupted me.

"So what's her name?" She asked, smirking at me.

"Hey Case," I said, smiling, grateful for a distraction.

"Yes, yes hello. But seriously, who is the girl?" She said, grabbing for my phone. I swung it away from her.

"What are you talking about?"

"You're here, at a party, with loud music and food and the Twins blowing everything up around you, and your standing here staring at your phone, talking to nobody. What's her name?" I raised my eyebrows. I couldn't be _that _obvious.

"Oh, fine. I'll call Caroline, you tell her everything anyways – "She was now pulling out her own phone, punching in a number.

"NO – "I grabbed her phone, wrenching it away and quickly ending the call.

"Wha – hey! Do you really not want me to know that badly? Or is - wait." I could see comprehension dawning behind her eyes. She punched me in the arm.

"Is that why she's not here? Dude, you like her!" _Really?_ I thought, _really? I'm _that_ obvious?_ I rolled my eyes.

"Well, you're definitely not calling her either way."

"Don't need to," She said, hurrying up the stairs, "DAVID!" she called.

"Hey, come back here!" I said, running out here. I did _not_ want this brought up. Lately the mention of anything regarding Caroline and I was enough to set David of on trying to force me to go talk to her. ("Well I'm texting her aren't I? She said she needs space to think!" "Dude, this is a perfect opportunity!") I grabbed her sleeve, yanking her into an empty room.

"Okay, fine, it's Caroline. She needs space to think, so no, she's not here. She's at a townhouse in Freshpoint." She gave a squeal.

"Oh my god really? Okay, you guys _have _to get together - I - oh wait. She has a boyfriend? Did they break up?"

"How do you know?"

"She's my _friend_ she was so excited to tell us! She told us on the first day – "

"What! It only came out at Windsor when the Tweedles caught her sneaking out like, two weeks ago or so." She laughed.

"Oh really? That's hilarious. She doesn't trust you guys at _all,_" She said, snickering .

"Yes, yes it's hilarious. I know."

"Alright," she said, containing her laughter. "Now. You've got to go talk to her." I rolled my eyes.

"Not you too! David's been after me this whole break!"

"Well, for once, your friends have some sense. Really, you need somewhere private where you two can work this out. And, this townhouse is a great place to do it!" I looked at my phone again. No answer.

There was something about getting romantic advice from a girl that made everything so much more convincing.

"You sure she won't freak out?"

"You think she feels the same way?" The image of her kissing me in the forest came unbidden to the front of my mind.

"I– "

"Then _go!_" I grinned.

"Thanks, Casey," I said, pushing through the door and running down the stairs, "I owe you one!"

I loped out the front door, and headed to my car.

"Where is he going?" Asked Blaine, sitting on the couch with his arm around Kurt.

Casey just grinned; she loved helping two people get together who should be.


	3. Control Freak

_I do not own dalton, nor do I own Glee. Characters to their respective authors._

_Sorry for the delay in getting this one up, I have been getting slammed with homework and tests, add that to the fact that I'm lazy and you get this. Sorry! (:_

* * *

**_Caroline_**

I couldn't remember how much I had drunk. I dimly remember opening another bottle, but everything had gone hazy.

And the pain wasn't gone.

It was back in its old form: in those piercing memories I kept hidden in the back of my mind. I kept drinking as though it would make even those go away. The flashbacks came anyways.

_I was thirteen years old, and it was spring break. I had my best friend over for a sleepover, and we'd gotten into some fight I couldn't even remember – she had stormed out._

"_Mom?" I said, crying into the phone, "Can you come home please?"_

"_Sure, honey, just let me find your father – oh, he's around here somewhere. We'll be home soon, I promise."_

"_Okay, mom, love you." _

"_Love you, sweetie, bye." I hung up the phone._

_I dimly remember waiting, one, two, three hours before I got the call._

"_Hello?"_

"_Hello, this is St. Benedict's hospital. We're calling for Caroline Allmen." My mouth went dry._

"_This is she."_

"_There was an accident" I couldn't remember anything else he said. My ears were buzzing. Only certain words got through the white space that cocooned my brain: "Car crash" and "drunk driving" and "mother" followed by a lot of medical terms I didn't understand. I just nodded dumbly, not remembering that I was talking on the phone, and they couldn't see me._

_I took a cab to the hospital, arriving about twenty minutes after I got the call. My mom was on the operating table. I sat in that hospital waiting room all night, still in my pajamas, trying to distract myself with random magazines. I had flushed my phone down the toilet at some point: I was getting too many texts from friends as the word got around. It was driving me crazy._

_I couldn't get it through my head that it was my mom, lying somewhere on a cold hard operating table, so close yet so far away from me. That she lay there, so close to death. From all the doctors who took pity on me, who threw a bunch of big medicinal words at me, I'd gathered that much. As much as they tried to be optimistic, I could tell there wasn't much hope._

_I was young, but I wasn't an idiot._

_They'd assigned a nurse to look after me at one point, being as no family had shown up to look after me. She was a kind woman, with a big smile and pitying eyes._

_I didn't need her pity. Not just then. I needed her to tell me my mother was going to be okay._

_She took me to the cafeteria and insisted that I eat something. She filled a tray of food up for me, and I ate a little bit of it. It tasted like cardboard, and went down just as easily. _

_I sat in the waiting room some more, staring hauntedly at the door, waiting for someone – anyone – to walk through it and tell me that everything was fine. To tell me I'd walk and talk to and laugh and fight with my mother again._

_I flashed through the memories of the past years, reliving the happy, the sad, the angry..._

_I must've fallen asleep at some point, because I wake up in a hospital room with my mom. I sighed in relief – she'd made it through surgery! She was going to be okay! _

_She was asleep now – that's okay she'd wake up soon! I was _so_ excited as I ran to her bedside; I didn't notice the wires she was hooked up to, or the breathing mask on her face, or even my father sitting at her bedside with obvious signs of a serious hangover._

_I accidentally ripped out several wires, which sent several doctors running into the room and set off a dozen alarms. The doctors hurriedly fixed my mistakes, and a nurse took me aside and told me._

_My mother was in a coma. She was on life support._

_I felt the beginnings of the white wall settleing around my brain again, shielding me from the cruel outside world._

_My mother, my last defender from my worst enemy, was all but gone._

_My father had always hated me, but kept me around because I made my mother happy. He'd loved her at least. But she wasn't gone yet. I was convinced my protector would come back, she couldn't be gone!_

_I saw everything in crystal-clear slow motion as I walked calmly back into the hospital room. _

_I told my dad, we could stick this one out. She would come back – I was positive she would come back! She could do it! She was a strong person, she would be just fine. It was us she was testing._

_He refused. The priest was called, and I was told to say my goodbyes. I threw a fit, and my dad yelled right back into my face._

_I had to be dragged away by the nurses, as I screamed at my father._

"_She's not gone! Don't do this, she's not gone yet!" I got more and more panicked as they dragged me out of the door. "She's tough!" I said, half in hysterics, turning to the nurses, "Please, don't let him kill my mom! You can't let him do it! Please – PLEASE!" _

_They had to drag me into another room, and put me to sleep. And just like that, my mom was gone. No hope whatsoever of her recovering. I had seen the coffin myself. I was too shocked at the funeral to even cry._

_All I could do was sit there, and stare at the inscription on the gravestone. I felt a pang – _her_ gravestone._

"_Caroline Nicole Allmen: 1970 – 2008. Beloved Daughter, Wife, Mother and Friend. Your loss will be felt, but not forgotten." I re-read it over and over, comfortably settling within the confines of my numbed white mind._

_It barely registered when people started to leave. Over one hundred and fifty people had come. Not that they knew – or even cared – anything about my mother. My dad was acting director of the FBI; they were all important bureaucrats, seeking one political gain or another._

_Some people offered me condolences, as I sat there, to dazed and sad and pained to move. I silently accepted them, and continued to stare at that sleek black coffin._

_She could've made it…._

I took another sip. My life had spiraled slowly out my control after my mother was buried. I had been taken out of my private school in New York, and was to finish school online for the year.

On my father's orders, of course.

I don't think my father and I ever stopped blaming each other for her death. Instead of bringing us closer, as I knew she would've wanted, it seemed only to wrench us further apart. We got into two or three fights a day, some of them escalading frightfully. We scared the hell out of the maids. So, I was sent to Ohio, where I was to attend his alma mater in the coming fall: Dalton Academy.

"But that's a boy's school!" I said as a maid packed my things. I could only conclude that copious amounts of money had been paid to all the right people, that a certain Federal Bureau of Investigation title had been flashed in all the right faces.

Before I could even blink, I wound up in Windsor.

I took another drink. I had been briefly sheltered there, in the presence of friends. I started gymnastics again at a new gym. I felt some degree of normal – I befriended the girls in Dobry, girls at my gym, and, of course, the boys at Dalton. I felt comforted, I felt at home.

But it was only a brief reprieve. I had never forgotten. I glanced down the inscription on my wrist. "Never Forget, 3.14.08" No, I would never, ever forget.

I could see it now - I was never going to have any control over any of it. My life wasn't my own. It wasn't even worth living anymore. I was just a puppet, another asset to my father's name.

A perfect daughter: that was all he needed me for. And why on earth would I want to help my father after what he did?

I walked drunkenly into the kitchen, putting the booze down. I somehow managed to produce two sheets of paper. I began to write.

I knew it wasn't very legible, but as horrible and twisted as my life is, I still had people to whom I owed explanations.

The first one was too the entire body of friends I'd amassed her in Ohio. It truly was my home now.

The second one was to Wes. I couldn't stop thinking about him, even though the haze of painful memories. I kept remembering his smile, his eyes, and the way he laughed. The feel of his lips on mine.

I looked at the bottle of liquor I'd just set down. I hesitantly drank a little bit more. Conflicting emotions were painful: who did I choose? Wes, and this hateful living world? Or my mother, waiting for me on the other side?

If there was another side.

I took another large gulp of vodka, and Wes was all but erased from the equation I signed my name to the letters shakily, and headed towards the cabinet.

I had thought about having the gun cabinet removed also. I hadn't really gotten the relationship between decorative booze and a gun cabinet with my designer. Seriously – I was a teenage girl. Why would I ever want to have those? She'll probably feel horrible when she finds out…

But they served my purposes so well right now. I selected the weapon of my demise carefully: they all looked the same, especially in my increasingly incoherent phase. I grabbed one at random, and loaded it with something else I grabbed. It probably wasn't even the right one – that would be my luck. I turned back to the kitchen when I heard the door open.

_Shit._

* * *

**_Wesley_**

"Caroline?" I said, cautiously opening the door. I'd knocked several times, with no answer. The door was open, and I was starting to get worried. So I walked in.

I'm glad I did.

I walked into the kitchen, and a completely drained bottle of vodka lay on the floor. Another bottle of alcohol lay three-quarters full on the table, having slopped a little onto two notes on the table. The room had scattered furniture and broken items everywhere - evidence of someone drunk walking around.

_But Caroline doesn't drink - she told me herself!_

But still, there was all the evidence.

Caroline walked in, face drained and eyes red. She wobbled, unable to walk straight. She had a small black gun in her hand.

"Caroline? What are you doing? Is that – is that loaded?"

* * *

**_Caroline_**

"Is that loaded?" His voice dented my alcohol – induced armor. I hugged the gun to my chest.

"No- no" I managed to get out.

"Are you _drunk?"_ he said, walking towards me, "You've been crying." He touched my face I pulled away.

"W- Wes I'm fine," I slurred, hugging the gun closer.

"Give me the gun, Caroline, what are you doing?" I turned to run, but tripped. He caught me before I could fall.

"'m fine, its fine, you can go – "I stumbled out of his reach.

"Caroline – "

I fell through the door, shutting it before he could get through. "Bye, Wes," I said softly.

"_Caroline!"_ He was getting a little bit panicked on his side of the door, "What are you doing!"

"I'm sorry," I lifted the gun to my head, pressing the cold unforgiving metal to my temple. It felt soothing towards my inflamed skin. I felt like I was on fire.

I closed my eyes.

* * *

**_Wesley_**

"_I'm sorry."_ The words had barley processed, and I was already lifting the phone to my ear.

"911! She – she's going to shoot herself!" I hurriedly blurted out the address, and dropped the phone throwing my weight into the door.

This couldn't happen, I couldn't lose her.

The door gave under my weight, and I saw her, crumpled against the wall, pulling the gun to her head.

"Caroline – _no!"_ Her eyes flitted open, and I lunged for her hand. She was still pulling the trigger.

I saw it all in slow motion. The trigger was pulled, and the bullet released, I had pulled her hand down, but it was still going to hit her. I tried to get her out of the way, but the bullet was quicker. It hit the back of her neck, where her jaw and neck met.

My mouth opened with a scream that died in my throat. There! The bullet flew out from under her blonde ponytail.

I reached her, finally. She fell into my arms, eyes flitting open and closed rapidly.

"…'m I dead..?" she asked blearily.

"No, no, you're not dead," I said. _Not yet._ I banished the thought. She was going to be okay – help was coming. She would be okay. I swallowed hysteria. She opened her eyes more fully and seemed to recognize me.

"Wesley," she mumbled, "Wes-ley Jon-a-than Hughes," she said, "'s a nice name…"

"Yeah," I said, staring blankly at the blood pouring out of that horrible wound… shouldn't I try to put pressure on it, or something? Shit, I don't know…

"… why you crying...?" she sounded faint, eyes drifting shut again. I couldn't make a sound. I couldn't move, I couldn't think.

Medics rushed in, taking control of the situation. A police officer pulled me away from the scene. They were loading her onto a stretcher, bringing her out front. I tried to follow.

"I don't think that's a good idea." Said the officer, putting an arm in front of me. He began questioning me about what happened, but I couldn't get the scenes to keep replaying in my head.

Caroline, holding a gun to her head. I saw the bullet going through her neck. Her eyes flitting shut that last time: _"Why you crying?"_ I felt so helpless. I could only watch it happen I could only sit back and deal with whatever happened next.

The officer kept trying to ask me questions, but I couldn't comprehend anything. They finally let me go to the hospital. Someone drove me, I barely noticed.

I arrived at the hospital, and was shepherded to a waiting room. I was still just as shocked as I was when I walked into Caroline's kitchen about an hour ago. The waiting room they directed me to was full: David, Blaine, Kurt, Reed, the Twins, Dwight, and Han - they were all here. The Dobry girls were here, too: they were all crying silently on each other's shoulders. I saw some other girls who I could only assume were her gymnastics friends she talked so much about.

I walked in, and everyone looked up. I had tears streaming down my face, and didn't bother to hide it. They all knew why she was here - why everyone was here. I fumbled for something in my pocket.

Before being driven to the hospital, someone pressed two sheets of paper in my hand. I didn't know what they were, but I understood now what they must be. I looked at one of them. It was labeled 'everyone' in a messy print I knew all too well. It was a little messier than usual, though…

I held it out to Blaine, who hesitantly opened it. I looked to the next one.

_Dear Wes, _It read,

_I know you must be mad at me: you probably already know why you're reading this. But I couldn't do it; I couldn't keep living a life that wasn't mine. I was always someone else's puppet. I can't deal with it. My life was going nowhere. _

_Please don't cry, I promise to be happy wherever I end up – whatever's on the other side. I swear to watch over you, no matter what. Whenever you get lonely, all you have to do is look at this, and know I'm watching over you. I got your back, now, okay? _

_You'll get over me soon enough. You can find someone who can love you far better than I can. You spend all your time protecting me, when you need more comfort than I do. You deserve better, Wes, you really do. Move on, for me. You'll find someone else, just know it's okay. I want you to be happy._

_But here, and now, just know that I love you, but I just couldn't bring myself to keep living this life. I keep giving and giving, and I don't have anything left. Nothing in my world was mine. I'm sorry. Goodbye._

_All my Love,_

_Caroline_

A small gold charm fell out of the folds of paper. It was a small golden star, I'd seen her wear it every day. I remember asking her about it once: _"Oh this? My mother gave it to me," _My hand closed round it. I collapsed against the wall, sliding down until I was sitting, my head resting against the hand closed around the charm.

After what felt like hours, or might've only been minutes, someone was pulling me up. I didn't respond.

"C'mon, Wes," That was Blaine, tugging me into a standing position. David was on my other side, both hauling me into a chair. I closed my eyes and gave myself over to the hysteria bubbling up my throat.

* * *

**_David_**

I set Wes into the chair, and gave Blaine a look. We walked outside.

"Did you read the note?" I asked.

"Yeah," he said, holding it out to me. I opened it, beginning to read, "Just that she's sorry, she can't bring herself to keep living…"

"This can't just be because of … you know…"

"No it can't be. Did you notice that her Dad isn't here? It can't be because they didn't call him."

"Well, she told us that her dad wanted a boy," I pointed out, "Remember?"

"David, his _child _just tried to commit _suicide_. I don't care who you are, you are in that hospital waiting room stat."

"Well how do you propose we find out what happened? The only thing I can think of is asking Wes – and he's really, well…"

"I don't know, I'm just saying this doesn't all fit." Just then, a tall blonde boy came down the hall, escorted by a nurse. I recognized him faintly as Caroline's boyfriend. _Where the fuck was he? Has he been talking to his girlfriend at _all?

Blaine grabbed his arm.

"I think you should talk to us before you go in there," he said.

"Excuse me?"

"You, even if you don't know it, have had some small part in this. We need to know everything on your end and figure this out, before tempers get out of hand." Blaine explained.

"_What?"_

"Just tell us, man, before Wes kicks your ass."

"All I know is that my girlfriend is in the hospital and nobody even bothered to tell me, until now!"

"Well, all things considering, you don't get too much credit by us."

"What?"

"Oh, we know everything. Or up until about an hour ago, we thought so,"

"So? Why should I tell you?"

"Because Caroline just tried to shoot herself, and that's not something we really want repeat of." He stood there, gaping at us.

"Caroline? Are you sure? She – she's always so happy, though – always laughing and talking – "

"Well, that's what we'd like to find out, but we _need_ the whole story. That includes you."

"All – Alright."

So the 'whole story' here, was nothing we couldn't really figure out by ourselves. They'd met over the summer, and got together, etc. He even admitted to trying to force her into doing things she wasn't comfortable with.

But really, nothing we didn't know. So what now?

* * *

**_Caroline_**

I was so tired. So insanely, incredibly, unbelievably _exhausted._ It was really just ridiculous, I got the feeling I'd been sleeping for a long while. I really didn't want to move. It seemed like too much energy just now.

So I didn't. I stayed in my quaint little twilight, half-heartedly trying to remember what had happened before I'd fallen asleep. Spring break wasn't it? Awesome. Didn't need to wake up, then.

That's when it hit me. When it crashed irrevocably into my mind. Spring Break. Drinking. Misery. The gun. _The gun. _What even happened? It was murky in my mind… I _had _been drunk after all…

Scratch that, I had to get up. I cautiously opened an eye. No explosions. No screams. Nothing at all. I risked the other. Not a thing. I sighed in relief and sat up.

I was in a white hospital bed, clad not in a hospital gown as I had expected, but a soft, light blue nightgown. I looked around. Wes was sleeping in a chair by the window, brow creased as though he was having a nightmare. Well, I couldn't have that. I started to get up, and was restricted by wires. I frowned.

My eyes alighted on another person sitting in the corner. A tall man in a nondescript suit, his dark hair combed neatly. He was staring intently at me with light blue eyes. My eyes.

The man staring at me was my father. I stiffened.

"Father," I said quietly, careful not to wake Wes.

"Caroline," He said back, in that soft commanding way of his. _The man you couldn't say no to,_ my mother used to say…

"What are you doing here?" It wasn't really something I needed to ask. He was obligated, it was definitely not because he wanted to be. No matter what I'd done - he'd never really had an interest in me anyways. He raised his eyebrows.

"I think that's obvious, Caroline." _Caroline, Caroline._ My name bounced around in my head, taunting me. The stiff, unrequited way he said it. Detached. Measured. Not the way a father should be addressing his daughter in the situation.

"I don't think you should have come," I was careful to make my comment cold, equally measured.

"Oh, on the contrary I think it was a very good idea," He said, shifting in his chair.

"Oh? Really?"

"Yes," He said, "I know the why of your actions, unlike your little friends here. Try though they might. And I can't have you acting like that again. Insult to the family name." Of course, the family name, pride, etcetera, etcetera… that's what my entire life had been about. My incrudiculous thoughts must've shown.

"And now your angry again," he said. "I cannot win where you're concerned."

"You can't win? What the hell!" I escalated quickly. My father maintained an aggravatingly cool façade.

"Yes, and don't wake your friend. He's most charmingly overbearing where you're concerned." I glared.

"Please, then, continue with this fascinating explanation of my life,"

"Alright then, I will. Your mother," Of course his tone softens over the word mother – he must've loved the idea, just not my gender. That stung. "It was her death that really set you on edge. We'd gotten along relatively well before her death, and after I rather didn't want to look at you, I confess. Just like her, you are…" He averted his eyes for the first time.

"And so, I sent you away. You know this, but I feel the need to get it into the open. We need to come to an understanding. I do not hate you, Caroline. On the contrary, you are my daughter," He'd never called me 'daughter' before… "And I love you." That just froze every thought going through my head. Every assumption of my life, I'd never really considered the idea that in some weird way, he had been doing all this to help me.

Not all of it, of course, attending Dalton and all that was definitely not done for me. But some of it… some of it was. I glanced over at Wes. It had all turned out okay; I guess that's what mattered…

My father saw my glance, and stood.

"Well, I guess this is where I take my leave," He said, "I've made certain you're okay, and that this won't happen again." He gave me a swift kiss on the head, "You really do look just like her, you know,"

And I watched my father's retreating back, for the first time, with a small inkling of respect and love. The kind of respect daughters are supposed to feel of their fathers. It wasn't completely there but... it was a start.

I spent the next hour or so analyzing my surroundings. I had been put in some type of suicide-psychiatric ward. There was nothing remotely sharp or dangerous around me, and my nails had been trimmed back. Nothing heavy or sharply cornered stood within reach.

Right, I might try to kill myself with it.

When I was done analyzing the bland hospital room, I turned my attentions to the sleeping boy by the window. Long black lashes tangled over his closed, puffy eyes. They were red, like he'd been crying. I'd made him cry too often, lately…

I was just a monster. I was horrible when I tried to save people from myself, it only made the worse off than before. Maybe I was better just sticking around to make them laugh.

I owed Wes that much, at the very least..

My eyes roved over his black hair, which was currently a chaotic mess. His mouth was closed and his head nodded against his shoulder. I simply sat back, and watched him with rapt attention. I don't know how long I sat there, simply watching him sleep, when there came a small cough from the doorway.

Blaine, David, Kurt, Reed, Dwight and even the Twins were standing here, silent and unsure. I felt ashamed of myself, for bringing all this on.

"Hey, guys," I said, softly.

"Trying not to wake him up?" asked Blaine, adopting my soft tone.

"Yeah," I said, returning my attention to Wes, "He looks peaceful, so…" _That's more than I can give him._

Everyone settled around the room, looking awkward and unsure of what to say.

"Guys, it's okay, my dad and I worked it all out," I said, tired of the impending conversation already. _Dad... _I liked the term better than 'father', I decided. I'd never used 'dad' before…

"You're dad?"

"Wait we never saw him – "

"What?"

"Guys! Shush! Wes is sleeping." I said, quieting them immediately.

"Yeah, he was awake for, like, two straight days. He really needs his rest." Said David, who was now sitting next to his best friend.

"_Two straight days_? How long have I been asleep?"

"Three days I think. Give or take an hour," Said Kurt, leaning against the wall with Blaine's arm around his shoulders. Reed stood nearby.

"Back to this whole 'dad' thing," Said Blaine, "I still don't think we got to the bottom of this,"

Now _that _made me laugh. Really, they wanted to get to the bottom of this? For some reason it just struck me as funny, I couldn't explain why.

"Oh, get to the bottom of this? I mention the bottom of this on an almost daily basis," I said, containing my laughter. It was true though, I did talk about my mother a lot.

All around the room eyebrows were raised in incrudiculous expressions emerged.

"Wha – really? Okay then… Wow this is going to sound like a really weird reason to do what I did…." I looked uncertainly around the room. I didn't want to be having this conversation right now, and then have it again later, but I wanted to tell Wes why I did what I did. Why I put him through this.

I think they sensed my discomfort, and guessed the reason for it. I gave Blaine a piteous look, begging him not to make me tell. Everyone in the room came to a silent agreement – they could find out from Wes later.

We just knew each other that well, I guess.

"So Caroline, have you been, erm, enjoying your room?"

"You mean for the whole two hours I've actually been awake? Sure... absolutely nothing to do, though, because I might use a remote control to kill myself." Everyone in the room winced at those last two words. "Okay, guys, seriously. Let's stop avoiding it! I tried to commit suicide. Now let's move on, it's not going to happen again. I told you I got it all figured out!"

Nobody moved. Right, I'd said that taboo word: "Suicide". Bite me.

"Guys seriously, can we just relax? It's over and done with," I began to nervously run my right hand over my tattoo on my left wrist, which was really a bad idea because I was just drawing attention to the spot and that would lead to questions and... Just not a good thing.

Damn, I hate it when I'm right sometimes. David cautiously got up and grabbed my left wrist, exposing my tattoo.

"I didn't know you had a tattoo," He said softly, angling his head so as to read it. I saw his lips frame the words 'never forget'. He gave me a puzzled look and dropped my wrist.

"I was… um… drunk. When I got it."

"Ha! Nice try, no you didn't." Said Ethan, sitting next to his twin.

"Yeah, you get all crying and depressed when you get drunk."

"Wait, how do you know that? I've never been drunk except for three days ago."

There was dead silence in the room. Everyone was giving the twins a _Tell-her-or-we-will _look.

"Guys, what did you do?"

"The twins had Han bug your house." Dwight blurted out, clutching his emergency bottle of holy water and several talismans. He was always "extra cautious" upon entering a hospital, which we'd all done on several occasion, for a few major Reed mishaps.

"_Excuse me!"_

"Dwight!" The twins threw thin hospital pillows at the dark-haired boy.

"You did _what!_" I said, "And tell the truth, because I am about this close to coming over there and _strangling you_. Why the _fuck _would you _possibly_ need to bug my house!"

"It seemed like a good idea at the time," The twins said impassively. Reed and Dwight mirrored horrified looks.

"Oh, so I see I am not the only one whose been drinking, then!"

"We wouldn't have even known to go to the hospital if Han hadn't called us!"

"Well why didn't Han do something when I started binge drinking! It would've saved me one _hell_ of a lot of trouble!"

"So you're not mad at us for having your house bugged?"

I huffed indignantly and sat back against my pillows. They honestly had to ask that question?

Suddenly a cool hand was placed on my elbow, "Hey, it's okay, calm down."

I turned to Wes, "When did you get up? Did I wake you up? I'm sorry – "

"It's okay," He seemed a little amused, but seemed to sense my apology ran much deeper. I gave him a small smile.

"We should go." Said Kurt, rounding up the boys.

"Yeah," I muttered, my brain immediately running through apology scenarios. They all seemed to end with an angry Wes storming out of the room and never speaking me again, and growing old a bitter cat lady.

On second thought, maybe I should just wing it.

We were alone for I don't know how long, sitting in silence, each waiting for the other to speak. I broke this silence.

"Wes, I'm so, so, _so _sorry – "

"_Sorry?_ You're _sorry_ for trying to shoot yourself? Honestly, Caroline – "

"Yes, I was drunk – "

"Exactly, you were drunk. Why were you even drinking?"

"I don't know, I had a lot on my mind and I really just wanted to forget, if only for a little while – "

"You See? This is really all my fault – "

"No! No, not at all…" He looked at me, that classic _yeah-right_ look I always used to get from him. In those good times it was for things like, _yeah right, that definitely happened _and _yeah, I'm sure _that's_ the right answer._

Unfortunately this was a lot bigger than Mrs. Blakeney's calculus homework.

"Then what is, and be honest with me. If I was the cause, I really do need to know." His hand tightened on my arm. I covered it with my own.

"Okay," I took a deep breath, and told him everything. I didn't spare a single detail. I wanted him to know exactly why I did what I did, and leave him no space to blame himself for it. I couldn't have _him_ going and doing something he'd regret. Like I don't know, leaving and never talking to me again 'for my own good.'

No, I couldn't have that.

When I finished, some I don't know how long later, and he was sitting leaned up against the hospital railing and his head on my shoulder. My head was leaning on his, and he was tracing the outline of my left inner wrist.

"When did you get this?" he asked.

"Right before I started at Dalton,"

"Hmm."

"Wes?"

"Mm?"

"Are we good?"

"Up to you," he muttered.

"But _I'm_ the one who put you through all this,"

"No, _I _put _you _through all this,"

"What? You're still going to blame yourself for this? I told you everything, there is _no room_ here for you to be blaming yourself, it's completely my fault – "

"You were drinking because of me, because I couldn't control myself – "

"He couldn't control himself? Wait, backup, what?" That one came from the door. Wes and my heads snapped towards it. I hadn't even noticed it was open this whole time. Wow, of course they would've listened in.

I smiled, I couldn't help it. It felt so natural, like home. These were my boys, all of them. We would be forever sticking our noses into each other's business, driving each other insane. But that's just how it is in Windsor house, and that's the way it'll stay. With each generation of Windsor's, we build families of inseparable friends. We might be a little crazy, but I wouldn't have it any other way.


	4. Epilogue

_Caroline_

It took another three weeks for Cody to finally break up with me, which made for a rather fidgety stint at Dalton. Wes and I would flirt a lot and hold hands and do other couple-y things without thinking, then break apart awkwardly, remembering that we weren't _actually_ together, and we weren't supposed to be doing that. But we did get together in record time after I finally got the douchey break up text.

We dated through our remaining time at Dalton, and even attended Harvard together. We were an inseparable couple: We hung out together, studied together, ate together, sometimes just sat in silence enjoying each other's presence.

We only parted when Wes headed off for Harvard Law, and I started traveling. I went to Paris, Rome, and London – the usual European destinations. I also visited Alexandria, Jerusalem, and Istanbul, to assuage my weird newfound love for Ancient History.

But I missed Wes desperately. I sent him multiple postcards anywhere I went, we wrote, emailed, texted, and talked on the phone. It didn't feel like enough. It's not the same as knowing he's just a few doors down if you need him – he was half way across the world.

So, I finally came back to the US, and Wes and I got a place in Boston 15 minutes from campus. I had just turned 22 when we finally got engaged. We were the last of what we called the "Dalton Couples" to do so.

I let Kurt and Reed do a majority of the planning: I even let them come pick out my wedding dress. I would say help, but let's face it – I just sat back and let them tell me what to try on. Really, all I did was make sure they didn't go too overboard. They would have annoyed me to help; it was the best situation for everyone involved. I would've ruined it without them, anyways.

Wes and I got married on the 22nd of May, when spring hits its peak. The sun was out, the flowers were blooming. We got married, and it was the happiest day of my life. I can't put it a better way.

For our honeymoon we took a road trip with no official plans for anything: just me, him, and open sky. We took back roads and slept at inns, or sometimes just in the car.

But we decided to stop and say awhile in Prince Edward's Island...

I stood staring down at the slender white object in my hands, grinning like an idiot at that small pink cross.

"You almost ready?" Wes called through the door.

"Yeah," I said, trying not to sound as giddy as I felt. I heard a fraction of hesitation in the footsteps by the door. Yep, he heard it. That was the problem with being married to one of your best friends.

I threw the pregnancy test quickly into the trash, and walked outside.

"What were you doing in there?" He said suspiciously, his shirt sill unbuttoned and hair a mess. I laughed and started buttoning his shirt for him.

"Nothing particularly unusual," I said, grinning a bit wider as he kissed my nose.

"Okay," He said. I could tell he didn't believe me.

"We're going to be late," I said, buttoning the last button with a flourish, pulling him in for a kiss.

"Okay," he had that pathetic _anything-for-you_ look he gets, and I just rolled my eyes.

"Come on!" I yanked him out of the door, grabbing the keys.

We ate dinner at a small classy restaurant, somehow managing to only be a few minutes late for our reservation. After dinner, we took a walk around town, admiring the sights and whatnot. The usual cheesy honeymoon attractions.

I knew if I didn't tell him soon, I might chicken out, and I definitely wanted him to be the first to know.

"Wes…" I looked at his face, which was about two inches from my own.

"Mm?" He said, looking back at me.

"I…" How do I put this?

"You know, you've been awfully suspicious today," he said, with a small smile. I just couldn't find the right words. "Well? You gonna tell me?" He added, tweaking my nose.

"Yeah…"

"Oh, come on,"

"I'm pregnant." I blurted out, before I could think about it anymore. His mouth dropped open in surprise. After a fraction of hesitance, his shocked expression cracked into a huge grin. He was still smiling when he leaned in to kiss me.

"That what you've been worried about?" he said, laughing a little.

"Yes," I said, and he grinned stupidly at me again. I pushed him a little, "Stop laughing at me!"

"Hey, I'm just happy." He said, kissing me again.

"Me too," I mumbled, kissing back.

It was about a month later, and I was sitting in a small coffee shop back in Ohio, where we decided to move when we got back from our honeymoon. We had barely finished settling in, and Wes insisted on telling everyone. David and Katherine - his wife, now - already knew, of course,

I hadn't wanted to really tell anyone from Dalton, it seemed like it would be a little awkward. But I couldn't _not _tell them. I was very apprehensive about the whole situation. Or maybe it was just the hormones – didn't the doctor say they'd be acting up?

The bell above the door rang, and Kurt, Blaine, Shane, Reed, and the Twins all filed in. (Dwight was somewhere in Florida, hunting down some new supernatural thing.) They were chatting and joking around, their usual selves. David and Katherine were sitting serenely on the couch next to Wes and me, and I felt the beginning of a small scale panic attack.

"I can't do this – "Wes rolled his eyes at me.

"It's just _them,_ Caroline. Were all friends here, this is good news. They'd want to know." I glared at him. David leaned over and grinned at me.

"Come on, this can't be any worse than when you guys got engaged. It's the same situation. You'll be _fine,_" Now it was my turn to roll my eyes. I had very strong suspicions that his proposal was a collaborative effort. I couldn't think of anything _more_ different from this situation. I took another look, everyone was still noisily settling into seats.

I buried my head in Wes's shoulder. "You tell them." I said.

"What? No, you tell them."

"No!"

"Come on, we told them!" He said nodding towards David and Katherine, who were silently laughing at me.

"_You_ told them."

"_Please,_" he said, putting his head against mine. I glared.

"Ahem." Shane cleared his throat audibly. Mine went dry. I froze for a second, and everyone looked at me. My eyes met Wes's.

I buried my head in his shoulder again. "I can't do it."

I everyone started laughing at me. "Stop it!" I said, peeking out from my hiding spot.

"What's up with her?" Said Ethan, grinning at us.

"Aside from the usual, I mean." Added Evan, elbowing his twin. Somehow, in the past six years, both of them failed to gain any emotional maturity.

Wes squeezed the arm around me, "Come on, I can't tell them."

"What is she pregnant or something?" Reed had meant it as a joke, but David, Katherine, Wes's and I's heads snapped towards him and gave him awed looks. "Wait – "

"_Whoa – "_

"Since _When – "_

I laughed a little, reburying my burning face.

"Well, that wasn't so bad," Wes muttered into my hair.

"Well _I_ didn't have to tell them,"

"Very true,"

Everyone was laughing and smiling and offering us congratulations, and I honestly don't remember ever being so embarrassed.

"So," Said Kurt, once everyone had settled back down, "Details?"

"Um... We'll I found out in Nova Scotia…" I said, unsure of what other details there could've possibly been.

"Well, you've always have been the _worst_ at this type of thing," Kurt sighed. I grinned.

After nearly nine grueling months of morning sickness, maternity clothes and strange orange cravings at three in the morning, I was about ready to pop.

I hadn't bothered to get a job when we moved back to Ohio, because, well, it was pointless. So I mostly ended up on the phone while Wes was away. I occasionally got visits from old Dalton friends who had stayed in the area – I even got a couple of calls from my dad – but Quinn and Santana were my main visitors.

They were more familiar with pregnancy than I was, so it was comforting to have them to ask. We spent afternoons in the small house on the edges of Lima and Westerfield sifting through books of baby names and picking out colors for the nursery.

"I don't know, do I want to know?" I asked, holding the envelope in my hands as I had so many times before. I went through phases of whether or not I wanted to know the gender of my baby. _My baby_, the thought still gave me slightly nervous shivers.

I was forever changing my mind. First, I wanted to be surprised and made Wes hide it from me. Then I would want to know, and make him go find it. Or if he wasn't home, I would sift through a couple of drawers and find it myself. I never actually peeked.

Santana and Quinn were standing over me, as I sat nervously in the kitchen.

"Did you know?" I asked Quinn.

"Yeah," She said, eyes never leaving the manila envelope in my hands.

"So do I want to know?"

"Fuck this, I want to know!" Said Santana grabbing for the envelope, and tearing it open, "How do I read this? Oh there's a letter – "

"Give me that!" Quinn made a grab for it.

"Guys don't crush it! Here, let me read it." I held my hand out, and Santana placed it firmly in my hand. I took a deep breath. "I'm not opening it." I said, nodding to myself. They rolled their eyes.

"Of course you're not," Said Santana.

"Well, not now, it's important! I'll open it with Wes, when he gets in." I said, putting it back in the drawer.

"Well we can't pick a name, then. We've got lists about three feet long for either way."

"Yeah, and nursery color is out, too. It's gotta be blue or pink." Said Quinn, nodding.

"Hey, it could be yellow." I said fairly, "I like yellow."

"Yeah, but that's a girly color, what if it's a boy?"

"Then he's too little and will just have to deal with it?"

"Or cream –what about cream?" Santana offered. They were off again, zooming off into some mystery world where I will be unable to make a choice from all the fabulous ideas, and then I won't be able to stop thinking about it, and it was just, ugh what a mess.

It was well after seven when they both left, with many goodbyes and hugs and "don't go into labor while we're gone!"'s and winks to accompany the previous. I just laughed and waved from the doorway.

_Two weeks,_ I thought, _two weeks._ Good lord.

It didn't actually set in for a while. When it did, it hit me like a train.

Two weeks, and I would have a baby to hold and take care of. _Two weeks. _Then the legendary midnight feedings and crying and diaper changings would ensue.

I fell into the couch as I heard the front door opening.

"Hey!" Wes said striding into the room, spotting me on the couch, "Missed you," He said kissing me on the cheek.

"Missed you," I murmured. Not even Wes could take my mind of this.

"What's wrong?" He asked sitting next to me.

"Two weeks." I said, leaning into him, like so many times before, "_Two weeks,_ Wes. Are we ready?"

"I don't know," He said honestly, "But you know what I know?"

"What?" I asked, glumly curious.

"That no matter what happens, this baby," He said, gently placing a hand on my swollen stomach, "Will be loved to pieces, _no matter what._ Me and you? That's all we've really got to worry about. We can get someone else to help out with the rest. We'll learn: we'll figure it out. We'll make it through,"

"Promise?" I sounded like a small girl, and I knew I looked absolutely terrified, but I couldn't help myself. Hell, I was pregnant. I get my allowances.

"Promise."

Two weeks later, Nicole Atticus Hughes was born, and I couldn't've been happier, prouder, or more frightened. This small fragile girl in my arms, she was my responsibility now. And I would take care of her and protect her at any cost.

I looked up into Wes's eyes, and held her, looking completely dumbstruck. He just smiled and said:

"We'll be okay, I promised, remember?"

"I remember." I said, and I won't ever forget.


End file.
